User talk:Amberknight85

Jay McGovern
I must applaud your dedication to improving Jay McGovern, however I have some advice for you. You keep citing sources by saying "information can be found...". You should be using the reference tags and should add a reflist to the end of the article. Also, the information you added under Career should be written in paragraph form, not in the list you have. Review WP:EDIT for more tips. Let me know if you have any questions, I'm always happy to help improve struggling articles. Washburn mav (talk) 15:19, 28 July 2008 (UTC)


 * Good work on the ref tags, I added a ref section for you. Also I noticed that you began changing to paragraph form, however the article still reads like a list. For example, the Early Life section could be:
 * Jay McGovern, a United States Naval Academy graduate, was a U.S. Navy helicopter pilot, and currently is an engineer, successful businessman and inventor. He recently announced his candidacy for Florida’s 4th Congressional District and will bring to the halls of government a strong work ethic, practical experience and recognized excellence in professional judgment.


 * Jay McGovern came to Jacksonville in 1985 after flight training in Pensacola and designation as a Naval Aviator. He served at United States Naval Air Station Jacksonville as an instructor pilot, and ultimately as a squadron Commanding Officer.


 * He is a successful businessman and holds a patent on a plastics recycling process and operates a horse farm in Western Duval County. In addition to working on his business, he served North Florida as a community volunteer, including two terms as Chairman of Riverside Avondale Preservation (RAP) and as founding Chairman of the Riverside Avondale Development Organization.


 * This is obviously a rough edit, but something that flows more like that is more desirable in this encyclopedia. I have also noticed that it reads like an political campaign ad. Please be sure to maintain a neutral point of view. Read more on that here. Washburn mav (talk) 15:36, 28 July 2008 (UTC)