User talk:AniiikaH/sandbox

=Evaluations=

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly Meets StandardsCheck over and look for proper comma placements.

Language
Nearly Meets Standards The language feels informal. Check out my suggestions below.

Paragraph 1: "Food in Italy has been an integral part of its history and culture. In Rome, there are many (different) communities, each (having) it’s own interpretation of food and culture within the overarching umbrella of Italian cuisine.[1] Many of the food ingredients and recipes are from Ancient Rome and are still used today.[2] (These) various cultures and ethnic groups in Rome have cooking (methods) that (rely predominantly) on ingredients (that are available to them locally.) For instance, the Roman Jewish community’s food (cuisine) is infused with artichokes, garlic, fish and beef.[3]This was in part due to the fact that these ingredients were the only ingredients afforded to the Roman Jewish community (at that time? origin? do they cook this way now because of then?). [4]

Paragraph 2: "A typical roman diet consisted of various food groups[5](such as) starches, including bread and pasta. Protein was provided through nuts and legumes [6] (as well as) ancient grains such as Farro. [7] Fruits and root vegetables (were also used through out varying meals.) [8]

Meat was not always apart of the Roman diet. This was due in part to economic status and class structures, (therefore) was not readily available to those who were in the lower and middle class.[9] Food rations and slight malnutrition were consistent (through out) history, which is why Roman food (cuisine) needed to provide sustenance.[6] This was achieved through high caloric starchy foods.

To finish off the meal Romans typically enjoyed a glass of wine. [10]"

Organization
Nearly Meets StandardsIn the layout above I broke up the paragraphs. I suggest leaving them this way as it helped with clarity. There are a few sentences in paragraph 2 that could be reorganized. For example, combining meats and proteins. Overall, after some grammar/language adjustment this works.

Coding
Meets StandardLooks fine on user page.

Validity
Meets StandardAlthough there is some interesting information the content might be better suited in the Rome wiki article as opposed to Italy.

Completion
Meets Standard

Relevance
Meets StandardLittle relevant content.

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly Meets Expectation For the first paragraph, I would suggest reworking your 2nd addition into the existing article, as well as put a period at the end of sacred fountain then begin a new sentence. Perhaps, "After Dijon became apart of the Roman Empire in the 2nd century,(cite) it was given the name Divio, which may mean sacred fountain. Dijon is located on the road from Lyon to Paris." In the second paragraph, I would suggest improving your sentence flow. It feels a bit disjointed. I would suggest changing, "In this moment in time" to "During this time period" and "begins" to "began."

Language
Meets Expectation Good tone.

Organization
Meets Expectation Aside from other suggestions above.

Coding
Meets Expectation

Validity
Meets Expectation Information works well with the existing information.

Completion
Meets Expectation

Relevance
Meets Expectations In the second paragraph, I would suggest removing "In the 11th century the Dukes of Burgundy gain power." It is repeated in the next sentence.

Spelling/Grammar
Does Not Meet Expectations
 * "Archeological" should be "Archaeological."
 * "Apart" should be "a part". While similar these mean different things.
 * "Burgundies" should be "Burgundians", or, better still Burgundians, since they have an article of their own.

Language
Nearly Meets Expectations

While the tone is generally good, there is too much redundancy (e.g. "During the middle ages" - especially when these could have been differentiated - early vs. high middle ages), and it reads as if it was composed by different authors not reading what the other authors had written.

Organization
Nearly Meets Expectations

Aside from other suggestions above, the separation into paragraphs should follow some traditional chronological sections. For example, the sentence about the third-century saint should have been kept with the paragraph dealing with the pre-classical and classical information, and then have the second paragraph be about the medieval stuff.

Coding
Meets Expectations

(But see below, under citations)

Validity
Meets Expectations

The information seems accurate enough, but some of it might be tightened. For example, how do we know it was a Celtic tribe, as opposed to other forms of groups? (Tribe seems plausible enough, but where does the cited source material state it? Could we also be more specific? If it was a tribe, which tribe?)

Completion
Meets Expectations

There is enough new material here to suffice for this assignment.

Relevance
Nearly Meets Expectations

The third added sentence ("Information pertaining to Dijon and its way of life in the Roman empire has been found in ancient Roman cemeteries that were found on the outskirts of town.") Tells us where information came from, but does not give us any of the information itself, which defeats the purpose.

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly Meets Expectations There are several errors. Through out the article I would suggest not using the phrase "due to the fact". I would suggest looking over the content once more and double checking commas/apostrophes. A few minor errors I noticed: "worlds" to "world's", "Dress were changed to two piece outfits with a tight fitting coat and long skirt", "Where as" when beginning a sentence, "For instance" needs a comma, "world wide" is one word, "countries" need and apostrophe after the "s", take out "and" in the sentence, "Just as differing parts of the world have been impacted by Parisian fashion, so have the countries surrounding and near France", change "where as...the Netherlands" to possibly, "in contrast to". "Haute Couture" does not need to be in caps every time. When you first mention it perhaps you can put it in italics.

Language
Nearly Meets Expectations Fixing the spelling/grammar errors and reworking some sentences would help this criteria.

Organization
Nearly Meets Expectations The information at hand seems to need smoother flows and transitions. I think by organizing the paragraphs under specific headers could help. Maybe narrow the headers down to 3 and work the information to fit/focus on that specific title. For example - Title: "Haute Couture" for paragraph 1, "World Wars" for paragraph 2, "Modern Day" or "20th century Parisian Fashion" for the last section, or "Tourism and Economy". That being said, you could move some paragraphs around to fit in with appropriate header. In paragraph 3, is it because of Spanish influence in design that fashion became more colorful in Paris in the 1970's? And if so, maybe that could be moved to "20th Century Parisian Fashion"?

Coding
Nearly Meets Expectations Perhaps, this can be fixed with my suggestion above. There are some words/terms that could be "linked" to specific wiki pages as well.

Validity
Meets Expectations Overall, I think the information is worth while. There are a few web sources that seem questionable.

Completion
Nearly Meets Expectations Perhaps after doing some organization you could add some more information to get a solid five paragraphs. You could elaborate a bit more on some of the information. Maybe you can add some information about the literal translation of haute couture? (haute: high, couture: dressmaking). The wiki page on haute couture is interesting.

Relevance
Meets Expectations The information about the way Paris benefits from Parisian Fashion culture through tourism was a nice addition to overall content. I am a little confused about the "program" that you are talking about in the last paragraph. I would suggest re-working this paragraph. I would suggest deleting the last sentence on this page. I feel it to be a little irrelevant. Or work the bit of information under in the first 2 paragraphs somehow.