User talk:Annabutterfield/sandbox

Hi Anna, It looks like you need to still choose which articles you'll be working with and then link them to the actual article. I can show you how to do this if the training module doesn't help. Also you are missing the evaluation section. Check out your peer, Nick Allen's, or my sandbox for an example. Come by and see me in OH if necessary. -Momo Sumomox4nouchi (talk) 00:35, 8 February 2019 (UTC)sumomox4nouchi

Nicole's peer review
Area "Globalization affects women worldwide in adverse ways and TFNs emerged in response to these effects." - I don't think you need this sentence. You could add something about what caused TFNs to start specifically, but this does not add much. - The sentence after uses the wrong tense of "understand" you could change that.

Sector "For example, this relies on women’s recognition and access to social and public spaces, as well as other important abilities such as access to modern transportation, ways of participation and acceptance in familial groups and social networks and also the way women are symbolically represented in religion and rituals. " -Break up this sentence

General notes about your drafting: -I think you have a good start, although something I think would be helpful for you is to ask yourself for every sentence you add: What information is this sentence giving? -I feel like some of the ways you word your sentences are very "essay" like. Try to stick to a more encyclopedic tone/structure for your sentences. -Overall, you have a good start. It is nice that you can create your own sections in women's empowerment! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Nchinny (talk • contribs) 22:33, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

Rudy's Peer Review
Hi Anna!

Just to clarify for your area section, which are your additions and which were already in the article? The key you put says bold would be yours, but some of the bolded parts seem to be in the article mainspace too. If you already started moving stuff over from your sandbox to mainspace then wow! Kudos! So assuming that the bolded parts are yours then all I would suggest is to add a little description of what some of the negative affects of what globalization are and where they are having negative effects. I think that might help with setting a little bit. Also when you add the contributions of Myra and Aili, it could be helpful to put their title or association. Like if they are feminist scholars or historians, maybe just add that after their names to help the readers know where the information is coming from.

For your sector drafting, I love the expanded definition of what you have found scholars consider different levels of empowerment. You're really expanding the scope here which I think is more useful and accurate.

'''The Socio-cultural empowerment of women can best be seen within women's freedom of movement in a society. This also is seen in lack of discrimination against daughters and maintaining the importance of education for daughters in a cultural society.'''

This lead in makes a great point, but I feel that it is one main idea disjointed in two separate statements. Maybe you can keep the first sentence, but then continue the idea by instead saying "A prominent example would be a society's retreat of discrimination against their daughters and young girls within the realm of educational attainment."

Doing this can allow you to remove the "For example" in the next line and just start at "This endeavor relies on women's recognition of and access to...", though I do think that this sentence does run a little long and could end at "public spaces." With the next sentence being that which these spaces include as you have laid out.

Women's empowerment in socio-cultural understandings also expands out to women’s...

Rearranging the beginning of this sentence might make it a little clearer. Maybe "The current understanding of women's empowerment in the socio-cultural context goes on to include women's..."

Familiar/Interpersonal and Legal These sections are also great contributions and they make me want to learn more. I wonder if expanding these sections would benefit from details of how societies/women can go about attaining these resources and dynamics. Maybe including examples of where and how it has been successful before would make these goals seem more attainable when presented in the context of areas where it is further from the reality.

The source you're using for this section looks like a great one. In future drafting just make sure that there are others so this section can be supported by more than one source. It would also probably benefit the variety of information and perspectives you share. Overall I think your structure and order is great and your tone sounds good. Other than that maybe try and use "as well as" a little less so it doesn't sound as repetitive. Great work Anna.--Fitoarevalo (talk) 18:43, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

Kimmie's Peer review
Hey Anna, your draft looks like a solid base for what you plan to add to the W. Articles. I wonder if you are able to more clearly define what you would like to add, especially to the Transnational Feminist Network article. For the TFN W. Article, I suggest further research on how globalization has affected the status on women, especially in developing countries. An example can be micro-finance as we learned in GPP 115! Another suggestion is researching on the positive and negative effects of globalization, such as technological advances that increase accessibility in reaching different populations of women as well as how globalization can lead to exploitation of resources from women. Your additions for the Women's Empowerment W. Article also seem solid. The draft provides many areas for development and other additions. Examples would pair greatly with the parts you have so far.

"Programs like Structural Adjustment Programs (SAPs) are part of the package of globalization that is presented to other countries; and while such programs are portrayed as being valuable to improve the status of a country, they result in creating worse situations for the peoples of a country." Although I agree that they create worse situations, it may be more encyclopedic to avoid using words like "worse" and "best" to avoid seeming biased or not subjective. Perhaps you can ask the talk page or whoever made the contribution for more details about what the worse situations are to imply the negative consequences and ask if you can provide concrete evidence instead.

"Globalization has facilitated the emergence of feminism as a goal in a wide variety of issue advocacy at the transnational level" This sentence can also be a foundation for details after it, such as explaining how globalization facilitate feminism and how feminism works at the transnational level. The W. Article on TFN does not really seem to describe how the networks are created and how they "create coalitions across borders". Some questions to research can be what does transnational work look like? Do these transnational networks reach oppressed populations of women, where internet and communication may not be as accessible, and include them in assessment of their needs? — Preceding unsigned comment added by Kimmietran (talk • contribs) 22:05, 4 April 2019 (UTC)