User talk:Aokiruka/sandbox

Hi, Haruka! Here is some feedback per Professor Carleton's email:

What does the article (or section) do well? The article is thorough, but definitely written for a general audience. I also appreciate how you've linked other important Wikipedia articles within yours.

What changes would you suggest overall? There were a few terms that were introduced quickly without a lot of background. It was difficult to understand why these were important or why they fit into the overall picture of "deaikei." For example, I wasn't super confident I understood the significance of "NTT Docomo," "i-Mode," or "Telephone Clubs."

What is the most important thing that the author could do to improve his/her contribution? I would revisit organization of your subtopics. As someone not familiar with the concept of "deaikei," the large paragraph regarding "deaikei saito" was sometimes hard to follow. I might split it up further, making a separate section for legislation for instance. Erinbourque (talk) 14:12, 31 October 2017 (UTC)Erin