User talk:Ariannemix/sandbox

Hello, Arianne! Looking over at your page-- there are some changes I would make to syntax. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to make the changes myself or just let you know what I think at this stage-- but an example from the first sentence, "In July 1937, when it appeared that war was imminent, Stalin ordered the removal of Germans from Soviet soil whom he claimed were working for the enemy." This seems to me like two sentence at least in the Wikipedia style: "In July 1937, the war with Germany [hyperlink to WWII] appeared imminent. In the XX Campaign [link to campaign or official name] Stalin claimed Germans on Soviet soil were spies and ordered their removal." Not that that's the word choice I would ultimately go with, but that's how I would start.

I think by structuring it that way, you would have a clearer link between the information and the source-- and if you added a source after that single sentence now, it would be unclear if you were citing that the war was imminent or that Stalin order the removal of the Germans. Plus, you have an opportunity to link between other pages on Wikipedia, which would make it part of that Wikipedia web-- that would be really good. SumCall (talk) 00:48, 6 April 2018 (UTC)

Reading through what you have so far, I think it's a good start. SumCall is right that there are a few areas where re-wording or clarification are needed. Try reading it all aloud, since this has worked for me to reveal omissions or paths a reader may not follow. Part of the problem I came across stemmed from not understanding what sources were used where. Charity murray (talk) 05:48, 6 April 2018 (UTC)