User talk:Ashleypress0511/Mydrafts

FEEDBACK ON RESPONSES TO PEER REVIEWS
1. these pages are public. Do not put personal info here. I deleted that

Ashley: Your plan looks solid. See me for specific assistance Cyah: Happy to help you with your sources issue. Rest of plan looks solid Maria: Same. Solid plan for changes. Start those Cindy: Also looks good (well organized!) Happy to help out Osquaesitor (talk) 20:52, 27 April 2021 (UTC)

Peer review: Blake
"Abdominal Muscles" Suggestions: I think you do a great job talking about what the anatomical function is of the certain muscle. However, I think you could elaborate more on the topic to help the reader understand.

"Deltoids" - I think you did a good job summarizing this section and would much rather read your section than the original.

"Neck and Back" "A new set of muscles allows the interconnection and is main function of respiratory muscles which pull the ribs back and forth called the intercoastal muscles. Based on the pelvic limbs, cats have a tail that is laterally to allow the balance needed for balancing weight." Suggestions: I think there could be a different way to word the previous sentences to make it easier to understand. Also there are some grammatical errors such as "and is main function..." Comments for Ashley: Overall I believe that the only editing you will have to do is fix a few grammatical errors and change sentence structure in a few areas other than that everything looks great.

"Anatomy" Comments: For this section references should be copied and pasted as well as labeled for the certain section. In the text you can use the "cite" tool to properly reference the material. I also think you should have a heading for your references after you paste them in from what you originally had.

"Legs" "Cats are digitigrades, which means that they walk on their toes just like dogs and birds that are able to walk." Suggestions: I do not believe that you need to say "that are able to walk" because it is assumed. I think if you took that part out it would be fine. The note you also wrote at the bottom I think would be interesting information for this section and would help expand this certain section. If you listed your references at the bottom of your section for the talk page it would also be helpful even though you won't be listing them in that certain section of the Wikipedia page.

"Mouth" This section is interesting and has a lot of nice facts. I would make sure that all references are cited within text where it is needed.

Balakay29 (talk) 03:26, 13 April 2021 (UTC)

Peer review: Kelly
General

-The content is written in a neutral voice, good job.

-The draft is easy to follow for the most part, but I would make sure the heading is above each section you are drafting so it is easy to know where to find this section in the article.

-I like how each person's name is above their section so it is easy to follow who is editing which part

-I would suggest to plan more images that you could add to this article

-This is a good start to edits, is there any information that could be added in addition to what is already written?

Abdominal Muscles

Group draft: "the muscle is located in the lumbodorsal fascia and ribs and main function is the abdominal compression. This muscle also laterally flexes and rotation of the vertebral column."

Suggestions: These sentences are a bit wordy, and I would suggest defining what "The muscle is". Do you mean the abdominal muscle? Also is the muscle located in the lumbodorsal fascia and ribs, or does it originate from them both? If so maybe try rewording like the following: "The abdominal muscle originates from the lumbodorsal fascia and the ribs. The main function of the muscle is abdominal compression, but it also laterally flexes and causes rotation of the vertebral column."

Group draft: "Innermost muscle in the abdomen and origin is the second sheet of the lumbodorsal fascia. The function is abdominal compression demonstrated in the transverse abdominals."

Suggestions: By starting with "Innermost muscle..." this sentence seems incomplete. Maybe start with the name of the muscle. In the second sentence, it might flow better if you add, "abdominal compression, which is demonstrated in...".

Deltoid

Suggestions: The condensation of the information is good, only saw a few grammatical fixes. In the sentence, "Acromiodeltoid is the shortest deltoid muscle and inserted at the deltoid ridge and allows raising and rotating the humerus when contracted." I would suggest splitting it into two sentences and inserting a few words like the following. "Acromoideltoid is the shortest deltoid muscle and inserts at the deltoid ridge. It allows raising and rotating of the humerus when contracted."

Following sections

I like your suggestions for the following sections and will be good for future edits.

Introduction (Cyah)

For the citations, I think if you copy and past the original text from the wikipedia page the citations will also copy over. If not maybe copy the link from the original citation and then when you hit "citation" in the sandbox copy the link in.

Group draft: "Although cats share many common anatomical features with humans, as well as many other mammals, they are natural predators, hunters, and they have many specialized attributes, such as their jaws, skulls, mouths, and digestive system (original page source19 & 20). Although they do share many characteristics with other carnivorous mammals, their protractible claws, digitigrades, directional hearing (original page source 1), and communication through odors, using their ultra sensitive noses  (original page source 3 & 4), help them when it comes to finding food the ideal food in their habitat. Although there are numerous different species of cats, much of their anatomy can be amongst all of them."

Suggestions: I would suggest rewording a few sentences like the following: "... with humans and other mammals...". As well as an edit to the next sentence like: "Cats share many... such as their protractible... and communication through odors." I would get rid of the part or make a new sentence about the ultra sensitive odors and helping it find food because it is hard to tell if you are saying they share this sense or if it differs from other carnivorous mammals. Finally in the last sentence just add the word "found" reading "much of their anatomy can be found amongst all of them."

Legs

Group edit: "...walk on their toes just like dogs and birds that are able to walk."

Suggestion: I would take out the "that are able to walk" portion, as it makes the sentence a little wordy and feel it is unnecessary.

Mouth: This section looks good and that is odd that the number for papillae is contradicting. I would just do more research and trust the most reliable source.Brownkr (talk) 06:29, 8 April 2021 (UTC)

First Draft: Ashley Press
- I really like that you decided to create sections for cat muscles to make the section easier to read for the reader.

- In the first bullet point, I would change “…tendons to allow…” to “tendons that allow” to make the sentence flow better.

- I think the second sentence could also be rephrased a little bit to make it easier to read. I would say, “Cats have skeletal and smooth muscle that enables movement, correct posture, and other biological functions.”

- The fifth bullet point is a little bit wordy and could instead say, “Feline muscles in cats allow voluntary and involuntary motion.”. I’m not really sure what the second sentence is trying to say or its direct relation to what is said in the previous sentence.

- In the “Abdominal Muscles” section, the first section edit could use either punctuation or add a word to make the first sentence seem less of a run-on sentence. I would change the first sentence to, “The muscle is located in the lumbodorsal fascia and ribs and its main function in abdominal compression.” Also, instead of directly saying “the muscle” I might include the actual name of the muscle you are speaking of. This would make the content clearer to the reader.

- I really like the second edit in the “Abdominal Muscles” section, but might consider adding “The” to “innermost muscle” at the start of the sentence, so it reads, “The innermost muscle is…”.

- In the “Deltoids” correction, there are some grammatical errors that can be fixed to improve the flow and make this section easier to read. In the first sentence I would say, “In cats, the deltoid muscles are made up of the acromiodeltoid and the spinodeltoid and are located lateral to the trapezius muscles.”. The rest of the sentences have wonderful content, but most of them sound like run-on sentences when reading them. Focus on using punctuation where you can, or restructuring sentences to avoid using the word “and” multiples times throughout a sentence.

- In the “Head and Integument” section, you mention that references need to be made, but I do not see a Reference being included in your draft for this section. Is this something you plan on including?

- In the “Pectoral” section, the first word of the first sentence reads “Pectroalbrachius” which I believe is wrong because ‘pectoral’ is spelled wrong. I assume it is either supposed to be “Pectoral brachius”. The wording of the first sentence also needs to be fixed. “I would start by saying, “The pectoral brachius muscles …”, however, I am not sure what the “activate the pectoral muscles” is supposed to be saying.

- I do not see any plagiarism, and all content seems to be relevant. I really like that you are condensing sections and adding more to certain sections to make the content both better and easier to read.

- The content appears to be written in a neutral manner where bias is not included.

- Overall, I would really focus on grammar and sentence structure, because there were many instances where I was unsure as to what was trying to be said. NoahMcGoff (talk) 18:37, 8 April 2021 (UTC)

First Draft: Cyah Dade
- It is great that you are choosing to expand the introductory and background paragraph to the ‘Cat Anatomy’ page.

- After the second sentence I would include a citation because the information provided in this sentence seems like it is a fact taken from another source.

- For sentences 3 and 4 you include in-text citations in parentheses format. While this does work, I think including a reference number at the end of each sentence instead would make the content easier to read and would not disrupt the flow of the paragraph as much.

- All the content is written in a neutral tone, and I do not see any plagiarism as long as citations are included in the sentences I mentioned in the above comments.

- The flow of content from sentence to sentence also reads very well. Great Job! NoahMcGoff (talk) 18:37, 8 April 2021 (UTC)

First Draft: Maria Benitez
- I really enjoy your edit and revision to the ‘Legs’ section of this page. Not only did you make the existing information easier to read, but you also added important information that was not mentioned in the original section.

- In the second sentence, part of it sounded a bit wordy. I would consider changing “…able to walk much more quieter and quickly than other animals” to “…able to walk quieter and quicker than other animals”. This should improve the flow without detracting from the content.

- Great job including citations where needed throughout this section, and all of them link to the references section which is good. However, the first citation you provide in the text is a citation for the Digitigrade Wikipedia page which I do not believe is considered a reliable source. Instead of including this as a citation, I would just leave the link to the digitigrade page that you already provide in the first sentence. However, you could look on the ‘Digitigrade’ page and look at the source they used to write the information that you took from their page. This could then be the citation you provide instead.

- For the third citation that you provide in the text, it links to a “14 Fun Facts about cats” article in the References section. I could be wrong, but I’m not sure this is a reliable source and would double-check to see that is able to be used.

- Overall, great job! NoahMcGoff (talk) 18:37, 8 April 2021 (UTC)

First Draft: Cindy Ocotlan-Garcia
- I see that you have edited and added to the ‘Mouth’ section, but it would be beneficial to the reviewer if you also included the ‘old’ or ‘original’ section in your draft so that is easier to compare what changes you have made.

- In the third paragraph, I believe the sentence “The papillae also help hold water on the tongue for drinking” could use a citation as it seems this information was taken from another source.

- Similar to the above comment, I also think that the sentence that makes up the short fourth paragraph regarding oral structures and vocalizations also needs a citation.

- This section was really easy to read, and the flow was great. Each sentence shifted from one idea to another in an order that made sense to properly convey the topic of the paragraph and overall section.

- All the content appears to be written in a neutral tone, and once the couple of citations are presented (mentioned in comments 2 and 3) there should be no plagiarism present.

- The addition of the second paragraph regarding dentation and dentition was a very worthy addition and really helped make this section better.

- Overall, wonderful job!NoahMcGoff (talk) 18:37, 8 April 2021 (UTC)

General Comments:

 * This group is working on editing the "Cat Anatomy" page.
 * Everyone does a good job keeping their edits neutral. I did not notice any personal opinions in any of the edits.
 * Everyone seems to be contributing evenly.
 * I liked how it was easy to see who did what. Ashley worked on the "Muscles" section of the article. Cyah worked on the introduction of the article. Maria worked on the "Legs" section of the article. Cindy worked on the "Mouth" section of the article.
 * In regards to sources, it was hard for me to tell which sources were added by the group members.
 * In terms of integration, my group and I are working on an article about hagfish, while your group is working on an article about cats, which are mammals. This means that there is probably nothing much that links up between our groups. I am sure, however, that there is a lot of things that link up between your group and the mammalian group.

Ashley Press:

 * You did a good job restructuring the part of the article you are editing. It makes it much easier to read.
 * I noticed some grammatical errors in the "Neck and Back" section. I would recommend looking at the first, third, and fourth sentences of the paragraph. For example, I think it should be "allow," instead of "allows," in the first sentence. I also saw a grammar error and spelling error in the "Trapezius" section. I would recommend looking at the first and last sentences of the paragraph. For example, I think you meant "draw," instead of "draes," in the last sentence. Some of the errors are very minor, but others make the sentences awkward to read.
 * I was wondering if you had any plans to add any images.
 * Did you happen to use any new sources. I was wondering because I noticed that there were no citations in your draft.

Cyah Dade:

 * In general, your paragraph looks good. It is well organized and easy to follow. I felt like the last two sentences, however, were worded a little awkwardly towards the end. I felt like there could be an easier way to word them.
 * A new image that can go along with the information that you added could be nice.
 * Did you happen to use any new sources?

Maria Benitez:

 * Your edited paragraph is well organized and easy to follow. It helps that you also copied and pasted the original paragraph for comparison.
 * I did not see any grammatical or spelling errors.
 * Do you have any plans for adding an image?

Cindy Ocotlan-Garcia:

 * I did not notice any grammatical or spelling errors.
 * Are you planning on modifying the image in your section at all? Do you have plans for adding another image?
 * Your draft is well organized and easy to follow. I think it would have been helpful, however, to have copied and pasted the original text from the article to make it easier to see your edits.

Whitefke (talk) 00:38, 10 April 2021 (UTC)