User talk:Athenidas/sandbox

Clint Yoo's Peer Review

 * "Modern political theorists don't necessarily denounce a biased viewpoint in politics, however, though those biases are not written about as they are commonly considered." This sentence takes a more subjective tone and influences the whole paragraph to sound that way too. I think you can do without it!


 * The overall 'Criticism' section is well written. I like the fact that you bring Professor Landemore into the argument(though I think you should just say Landemore instead of Professor Landemore)! I also like how you employed the variety of the criticisms towards noocracy, which the Wikipedia reader will certainly benefit from.


 * In the similar vein, however, I wonder perhaps it would be more readable if the 'Criticism' section was organized into subsections. There are a few dominant political theorists, namely Brennan and Landemore, that dominate your text, and I think you can be more creative in forging them into something more instructive visually (perhaps by the lines of thinking behind certain crticisms, and you can put links to those ideas for the Wiki reader). I myself don't have a clear vision of it, and it's just a suggestion.


 * Overall I think the criticism aspect you touched upon is great. Though when you see the entire article, it does seem pretty empty up top. Regardless, I would try to play around with the structures a bit more, because I think Wikipedia articles are more easily conveyed if you start treating them like a powerpoint presentation rather than an essay.