User talk:Audrat09/A’s LGBTQ+ workers, LGBTQ+ nonprofit organizing, and LGBTQ+ sex work

H's Peer Review
Hey A! I think this is a very good first attempt at creating a first paragraph on Wikipedia for your topic of LGBTQ+ nonprofit organizing! A did a good job when it comes to maintaining that everything in the article body is relevant to the topic. There were however a few punctuation errors when it came to the capitalization on the word “it” in the first and third paragraph. Other than that everything looks good! The article body is neutral and does not lean heavily towards one position or mindset in regards to the topic. The first and second article link work! However the third link does let me access the reference. A did a very good job at making sure each source is relevant to the topic and up to date.

A began with a lead sentence that allowed me to understand how this paragraph will fit into their overall section. They also avoided the Wikipedia “words to watch” in order to prevent biases. A wrote in a professional manner that was brief, informative, and notable when it came to their topic of LGBTQ+ nonprofit organizing while following the format of the Wikipedia style sample that was provided. A avoided jargon that would’ve made their paragraph difficult to read. For the most part A avoided stating the article but there were a few times when the research article was referenced through the word “it” instead of providing a statement from the article. A did not focus heavily on one source and used the “cite” Wikipedia button. I was able to access all but one source. A cited the source every two to three sentences to show the reader where the information was coming from.

(Missy-Squishy 24 (talk) 00:24, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * H, I did not even notice the capitalization errors! Thank you for pointing that out, I will fix it. I appreciate your compliments on my work. I'm happy to know I successfully avoided the words to watch. I'll rephrase how I talk about the articles and avoid saying "it" when discussing these articles. I'll touch up the sources to make sure they are all accessible! Thanks again, H! Audrat09 (talk) 17:59, 16 April 2024 (UTC)

Dr. E's Review
A, you have really great content and sources here, and it needs to be written in Wiki style, so not “this article” does but focused on writing like an encyclopedia. See the Women’s Studies sample for help. See Canvas for more info. OsaRosa (talk) 08:25, 16 April 2024 (UTC)


 * Hi Dr. E! I realize it does need to be written in Wiki style and that I use "this article" and "I" a few times, so I will remove those and rephrase. I will look over the Women's Studies sample. I believe my second source is a COMM source as it says "Communication" in the journal, but if this isn't considered a COMM source I can try and find another article to replace this. As for the references I will remove the month/day and just keep the year. I agree another article on queer sex work would be great, I was just struggling trying to find one let alone two. I appreciate you linking an article for nonprofit organizing! I'll definitely look that over. Overall, I appreciate your feedback and will implement it as much as I can. Audrat09 (talk) 17:56, 16 April 2024 (UTC)

Feedback
Hi @Audrat09, Well done on your first draft. Reading through the draft, it isn't super clear to me as a reader how this section relates back to the main article topic of LGBTQ+ Communication Studies. Is it because academics/researchers are looking at how these different LGBTQ+ groups are using social media? To me this section feels like it would make more sense in an LGBT rights article rather than a LGBTQ+ Communications studies article because of the kind of information your focused on on.

Also remember as encyclopedic writers, we want to summarize the facts and ideas present in the article. For example in that second paragrpah, it seem you are writing about the challenges LGBTQ+ folks face in the healtcare organizations. What kind of challenges are they? and as a result of what? Is this every where in the world or is specific to the United States? Are you talking about all healthcare organizations or just non-profits? I ask these questions as examples of where you can be more intentional with your wording. Brianda (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:44, 17 April 2024 (UTC)