User talk:Austin.Briscoe/sandbox

Kristi's Editing Suggestions
In the first sentence, you state that the United States 'will be diverse.' This suggests that it is going to happen no matter what; however, the statement is not factual. I would say 'it is predicted' or just take that sentence out. In your second sentence, the writing is not very encyclopedic. You refer back to Joel Kotkin, which is not necessary because you cite his work. Sentence 5 (the question) I would delete the question because it does not give much value to the article. Sentence 6, in the wikipedia trainings, they suggest that we do not use phrases that group people, so when you say "it has always been thought that.." it is grouping people into one viewpoint.

Overall, the writing is not encyclopedic, it is written as an essay (a well written essay), but that is not the type of writing that wikipedia uses. Also, I think that there is a bias in the contribution. While reading your comments, I feel as if you are trying to convince the reader instead of being neutral. Also, I think that the citations are reliable.

I will take this into consideration and try to fix the writing to be more of a encyclopedic. Also I’m kinda confused when you said it is a bias contribution what am I convincing the reader of? If you can reply to me that will be helpful thanks for the suggestion and I hope to make my contribution better. -Austin Briscoe Austin.Briscoe (talk) 21:31, 4 April 2018 (UTC)

Looking at your new piece, I think that there isn't a bias anymore. You do a good job at explaining the information in a concise manner. I think that you took my suggestions and implemented the most important ones. I think you did a very good job. The only thing is the first sentence, you say "In the distant future around 2050 United States will.." where I think it sounds better as "In the distant future around 2050, the United States will..." Kuehnemankr (talk) 20:50, 9 April 2018 (UTC)Kristi Kuehneman