User talk:Austinxi/sandbox

=Evaluations=

10/16/2018 Evaluation by Acrimin

 * Points: 30
 * Grade: 75%

Spelling/Grammar
Meets Expectations Delete the extra comma in sentence two, I would say. Otherwise you're set.

Language
Expectations? The sentences are arranged a little haphazardly, and you state an opinion at the end. You say Joan of Arc's history is important and why - but that is a personal opinion, and doesn't belong in a wikipedia article. Only hard facts, no convincing. Mention what she did, why she died, the history of it all, but outright stating that she's important - and you say she's important because the church killed her, which confuses me - doesn't make sense.

Organization
Expectations? I can't tell whether or not this page is supposed to be a part of the Rouen, France main page or the history page specifically. Regardless, the 1400s falls under the medieval period, so if it's meant to be on the history page, it would go under that section, not under a new subsection titled Rouen in the 1400's. Likewise, if it is meant to go on the main Roeun page, there's already a small section detailing Rouen in that time period and this would need to be added on/merged with that in the history section instead of being put under a new header. I checked in on both pages, and this paragraph feels as though it would be out of place if it were copy/pasted into either section, so the organization of sentence structure and the order your information is in could use some work. I would suggest leading with Joan of Arc and mentioning the time period there. You also don't need to mention where Rouen is located or the Hundred Years War unless it directly ties into Joan of Arc - the rest of both articles has already done that. I would cut the first and last sentence out entirely.

Coding
Meets Expectations Your coding is all set and works as intended.

Validity
Meets Expectations Your information is factual (mostly, see Organization/Language) and your sources verify that. Good job!

Completion
Nearly Meets Expectations You only have two of the required three sources for this assignment, but you have the required paragraph of content.

Relevance
Nearly Meets Expectations Again, as your focus is Joan, I would go back and delete that last sentence and instead tell us about what Joan did that was important instead of just telling us that she was important. See Organization section of this peer review for specifics.

Spelling/Grammar
Meets Expectations No comma is needed after 1337 even though there is a citation at that location. The wording ". . .from there on,” could use some polish. You might try a different way to say it that flows better. Otherwise, good work.

Language
Meets Expectations It could use a little work for the sake of professionalism. Think of single words that can suffice for a group of words like “rose” for “stood up.” Consider clarity of thought.

Organization
Meets Expectation It flows from Rouen to Joan of Arc nicely. There was nothing confusing about this paragraph. Headers appropriately speak to the following information.

Coding
Meets Expectations Looks good!

Validity
Meets Expectations It appears as if there is some good information here. Is her importance to Rouen based solely on the fact that she was burned at the stake? If it was not, I feel as if you’re going to need to assert that “one of the reasons” she was important to Rouen was because she was burned at the stake making a more concise (and therefore truer) statement. If you don’t know all the answers that’s okay, but I always find it a good idea to make a note of it for transparency’s sake.

Completion
Meets Expectation There is a lot of room here for expansion. The fact that “her history is important to Rouen because after being tried on accounts of witchcraft, heresy, and dressing like a man she was burned at the stake alive” and the fact that it took place in front of an “English-backed church” could be separated and expanded. If you’re looking for a place to expound and enrich your paragraph I would suggest breaking these ideas down and adding a little more detail. What’s the significance of her killing happening in front of an English Church? What happened in Rouen between 1337 and the appearance of Joan?

Relevance
Meets Expectations This history is important and you’ve hit on the heart of it. Her death, I feel, is just as important as what she did when she was alive. Feminists see her as an icon and others as an inspiration and her death plays a more poignant part in that than her life, I feel. Had she lived into old age we may never have heard of her at all.

Spelling/Grammar
Meets Expectations Just in terms of grammar, some fixes would be useful. This is a potential sample: "Rouen is located in the north of France, in the region of Normandy. Starting in 1337, it was highly affected by the Hundred Years War, and disputes over... [it] was seized by the English and ruled by... he died in 1422. Shortly afterward, Joan of Arc emerged, claiming to see.... Victorious, she became a heroine... After being tried on accounts of [list charges], she was found guilty and sentenced to be burned alive in Rouen, in front of a church who sided with the English."

Language
Meets Expectations Could use a little polishing, but nothing too terrible.

Organization
Meets Expectations I really don't know which article you're planning on putting this into. Depending on which one, you'll need to delete and revise it to avoid unnecessarily repeating information. It's definitely not long enough to be its own article, but if you added more to it, you might be able to have it as its own section in, say, the "Rouen" article.

Coding
Exceeds Expectations Seems fine except for the first line. Is it supposed to be a header, or just an introduction for our benefit that isn't going to be incorporated into the article?

Validity
Meets Expectations Clarifying your statements would go a long way toward proving that you have solid information.

Completion
Meets Expectations Fix the rest, and this should be complete.

Relevance
Nearly Meets Expectations It's nice to have Joan of Arc mentioned in the article about Rouen, since that's where she was killed, but I don't know how much bearing her life has on Rouen specifically. You could find the article about Joan of Arc and check to see if what you found is also present there (I assume it has references to the book you found, but if it doesn't it needs it!).

11/15/2018 Evaluation by Acrimin

 * Points: 27
 * Grade: 68%

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly Meets Expectations You should go through and double check some of your punctuation. "Auguste and Louis Lumière, invented the cinematograph- “the first motion-picture apparatus, used as both camera and projector." for example, would be better off as: "Auguste and Louis Lumière, invented the cinematograph; “The first motion-picture apparatus, used as both camera and projector."

Language
Does Not Meet Expectations You should go through and double check the language you're using. Some of it is worded oddly in a way that disrupts the flow of what you're saying. For example, "The Lumière brothers were born to Antoine Lumière who also worked in the photography business of manufacturing photographic plates for the camera so the world of photography was open to them from a young age." Should be more like: "The father of the Lumière brothers, Antoine Lumière, also worked in the photography business. He manufactured photographic plates for cameras." Stick to only facts, and make sure your content comes off as professional and easily understandable.

Additionally, in some places there are errors that need to be removed. "[2] Louis Lumière’s curiosity carried his thinking from the" has no need for the [2] in front, because that number is not linked to anything nor is it a citation. It's just sort of there.

Organization
Nearly Expectations See the language section for more details, but essentially the way you are organizing your sentences is what is making them feel off. Restructuring them and the order some of them are in would help with this.

Coding
Nearly Meets Expectations You need to code in the subheader instead of just writing that it ought to be there.

Validity
Meets Expectations Youre information is good, and it adds to the article you're working on.

Completion
Nearly Meets Expectations You've added two paragraphs of content, but you need to make sure that content is easily accessible (this is regarding language and organization).

Relevance
Meets Expectations Talking about how cinematography came to be is a good topic, and it adds a lot to the page for Lyon!

11/16/2018 Evaluation by Emanel2

 * Points: 34/40
 * Grade: 85%

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly meets standard 1. Lyon was home to two brothers, Auguste and Louis Lumière, at the time when they invented the cinematograph[1]; “the first motion-picture apparatus, used as both camera and projector.” - in this sentence, if you want to include the definition of cinematograph, then I would put either a dash or colon instead of the semicolon after 'cinematograph'. From what I know, the definition does not have to be in quotation marks.

2. “The Lumière Festival in Lyon, [is] one of the largest international festivals of classic cinema”. - in this sentence, I would not include quotation marks, and change it to: The Lumière Festival in Lyon is one of the largest international festivals of classic cinema.

3. As well as the Lumière Festival there is also a Lumière trophy that commemorates the spirits of the brothers. - Please change this sentence because it doesn't really make sense. You can do something like: With the Lumière Festival, there is also a Lumière trophy that commemorates the spirits of the brothers, or just delete the first part: There is also a Lumière trophy that commemorates the spirits of the brothers.

4. Though prior to their invention they had a chance to examine Thomas Edison's kinetoscope, “the forerunner of the motion-picture film” The premise of the kinetoscope was to view a short 46 slides spun in profession that created the illusion of an animation though the viewer had to peer through a peephole to see it. - This is a very long sentence. I think you change it to something like this: Prior to their invention, they had a chance to examine Thomas Edison's kinetoscope - "the forerunner of the motion-picture film”. The premise of the kinetoscope was to view a short 46 slides spun in profession that created the illusion of an animation though the viewer had to peer through a peephole to see it. (maybe add a comma somewhere?)

5. The brothers desired to further this creation to create an object that is more like modern day projectors. - it might be better like this: The brothers desired to further this creation and create an object that is more like modern day projectors.

6. In the second to last sentence in the second paragraph, I am not sure if we can use direct quotes in Wikipedia edits. You can double check that in our Wikipedia training modules. Also, double check your spelling and punctuation there.

Language
Meets standard Maintain an encyclopedic tone.

Organization
Nearly meets standard I think you need to create a header. Otherwise, you have two paragraphs.

Coding
Nearly meets standard See under organization.

Validity
Meets standard The information seems to be good and decent.

Completion
Nearly meets standard You have two paragraphs of information, that is good. However, you have nine sources and we need at least ten for this edit. Also, the first and the third are the same sources. We need to have different ones. If you want to use a source twice, then you can click re-use, so that it doesn't create the same source again under references.

Relevance
Meets standard

11/16/2018 Evaluation by Benjamin Pocheron

 * Points: 35/40
 * Grade: 87.5%

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly meets standard (3) Some periods are missing. Some sentences sound kind of bizarre when read. However, I appreciate the use of the accents when writing the French monuments.

Language
Meets standard (4) You can use a tone even more neutral.

Organization
Nearly meets standard (3) You have two paragraphs, as required, ok. Some headers would be nice, some important words in bold as well. Maybe use italics when citing the French monuments?

Coding
Meets standard (4)

Validity
Meets standard (4)

Completion
Nearly meets standard (3) References 1 and 3 are the same. Thus 2 citations are missing.

Relevance
Meets standard (4)

12/04/2018 Evaluation by Acrimin
POINTS: 25/40 / 63% GRADE: D - but this is easily fixable with some organizational changes! you can do it

NOTE: I'm not sure which article you're working on because it was never mentioned/linked directly, so I'm working under the assumption that all of your sandbox is original content.

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly Meets Expectations In your first paragraph I don't think "The Resistence" needs to be capitalized. In your first paragraph about Barbie, it sounds awkward to say he is responsible for "the murder of countless lives." Maybe just trim that down to something like "many murders"? In your first paragraph about Aubrac, calling the Nazi's "ever so powerful" feels cliche and dramaticized.

Language
Does Not Meet Expectations The language for the Aubrac paragraph (at least the first one) needs some updating. It feels too informal and the sentences feel choppy, which ruin the flow of your paragraph. Near the end of the first paragraph of the Aubrac family honor is mentioned but that seems to be unecessary. Just say they were trying to preserve their heritage and leave it at that. On your very last section about the prison you say "resistence, jewish, and rounded up" but I think you might mean were rounded up, and resistence?

Organization
Does Not Meet Expectations Your paragraph on Klaus Barbie needs restructuring. I would start with the basic information like where he was stationed and why, and then m ove into his crimes and eventual conviction. The information is kind of all over the place as is. You mention Klaus Barbie in the second Aubrac paragraph by reintroducing him, but you've already introduced him in this article, so you don't need to go into so much detail all over again. Just say the husband was imprisoned by him.

Coding
Meets Expectations I didn't see any errors in your coding!

Validity
Does Not Meet Expectations The information in the Aubrac paragraphs likewise needs organizing and trimming down. We don't really need to know where Lucie was born or what university she went to if the main point of her paragraph is her work with the resistence. It's just extra bulk and you don't need it. Also the prison raid and Lucie's resistence work seem to be the most important things, but they get the least amount of words. That seems incorrect.

Completion
Nearly Meets Expectations You have probably six or seven paragraphs worth of information, but you don't have the citations to back it up and its incomplete in its current iteration.

Relevance
Does Not Meet Expectations Not enough attention is paid to the relevant information in the article, but a lot is paid to the irrelevant information.

Spelling/Grammar
Does not meets expectations There are unnecessary repetitions of the same word or phrase, usually twice in the self-same paragraph or sentence (c.f "The powers of the Nazis were ... powerful"; both located and location used in the first sentence), as well as unresolved grammar questions in most paragraphs; take for instance, your very first sentence (under "The Resistance in Lyon"): was Lyon in the free southern portion of France, and if so, when and how did the Nazis occupy it? What is the difference between The Resistance and the French Resistance? If there are the same thing, it's confusing to see two different names. The first sentence about Montluc is also incomplete and lacking grammar.

Language
Does Not Meet Expectations There is too much potentially inflammatory or simply non-academic language in here.

Organization
Nearly meets expectations Your paragraphs need significant rewriting for clarity and flow. I'm curious, what article did you plan to edit with this information? Is it all supposed to go on the main Lyon page, in a section for famous people from Lyons? If there is an existing article you wanted to fix, I find it much easier to borrow their format (copy and paste the sections in question to your sandbox, then edit away) and add statements/sources. In the section under

Coding
Meets expectations The headers should be formatted with equal signs before and after them (you do this in source editing, or from the regular editing page if you click "Heading" on the drop-down menu) so that a little box will pop up and let you click on them. The links all seem to work, though, so other than that it's pretty good.

Validity
Does not meet expectations I noticed that almost all of your paragraph about Barbie was more or less directly quoted from the source about him, which is definitely a serious mistake. One or two phrases are also copied from other sources. In the Aubrac paragraph, the first half of the first paragraph is choppy, but seems to have accurate information. However, the article linked there said Aubrac was only one of their aliases, and their name wasn't officially changed until after the war. Also, where did you get the information about his parents? I assume there is a source for that, so just make sure to link it! The second half of the second paragraph also needs rewriting for clarity and sources to back up three (or was it two?) attempts to free Raymond form Montluc in March 1943.

Completion
Nearly meets expectations You have at least five paragraphs written, but only half of the sources needed to back it up.

Relevance
Does Not Meet Expectations What is relevant depends on where this information will be placed. If the information under each heading is for its own page, then almost all of it is relevant, but