User talk:Axe30/sandbox

Johanna's peer review
I really like what you added. You touched on a lot of important information that was missing in the original entry and clearly did a lot of research which added depth of knowledge to the article. I also like your writing style and tone which is suitable for a Wikipedia entry. You also made great use of the "links" function to link words to other wikipedia pages. That's something I forgot to do on my own article so I'll make sure to incorporate that!

Although content was great, I made a few minor grammatical and spelling edits:

In the first paragraph, I think the wording in the first sentence is a little confusing. “Affection of the larynx results in changes in voice quality.” can be changed to something like “A common symptom of laryngeal papillomatosis is a perceptual change in voice quality.” I would also change the wording “are noticed” to “can be present” to make sure you’re not making too broad of a statement. Also there were a few minor spelling errors such as: “As the disease progress” should be “As the disease progresses”, “trive” should be “thrive” and “manifestations of other disease” should be “diseases” and in the last sentence the word “therefore” is written twice.

In the second paragraph, I would change “even when treated” to “even after treatment”, “diagnostic” to “diagnosis”. Also “agressive” should be changed to “aggressive”. Jogruber (talk) 01:50, 24 October 2017 (UTC)

Thank you very much Johanna! Great comments, I will edit accordingly!--Axe30 (talk) 21:00, 2 November 2017 (UTC)

Arielle's Peer Review
Hi Alexie. I'm going to review your article, I hope this is fine with you! First, I want to congratulate you for your amazing work. You draft includes very interesting and essential information on you article subject. Also, you use many different reliable sources that make your contribution even more valuable. Your tone is very neutral and your coverage seems very complete and proportional to the available evidence. I did notice a few things that you might want to change, mostly spelling mistakes. The first one I noticed is that you use capital letters when writing "Laryngeal Papillomatosis", which I don't think is necessary. The second thing I would change concerns a sentence at the end of your "Sign and Symptoms" paragraph (In children, symptoms are usually more severe but are often perceived as manifestations of other disease such as asthma, croup or bronchitis). I would change the second part of the sentence with something like : (...)more severe AND often MISperceived as (...). The last thing I noticed is a simple spelling mistake in the first sentence of your second paragraph (The evolution of Laryngeal Papillomatosis is highly unpredictable and is characterized by modulation of ITS severity and variable rate of progression across individuals. You should write "its" instead of "it's. That's it for me. Again Bravo for your amazing draft. Your contribution is greatly appreciated. Arielle ABBslp (talk) 21:16, 24 October 2017 (UTC)

Thank you very much Arielle for the great comments! I will modify my article accordingly!--Axe30 (talk) 21:09, 2 November 2017 (UTC)

Megan's Peer Review
Hi Alexie!

I think that the content of your section looks good, but there are some minor edits (some have already been noticed by the other two) that I would make. First, you say this at the start of one section:

"Affection of the larynx results in changes in voice quality. More specifically, hoarseness is observed."

The first sentence makes it seem as though there will be a list of voice qualities that are changed with this disorder. I think that it would be a good idea to change the wording and combine the sentences, to say something like: 'Affection of the larynx results in hoarseness of the voice.'

I noticed spelling errors in "failure to trive" (thrive) under Signs and Symptoms, and "modulation of it's severity" (its) under Prognosis.

Finally, I don't think you need to capitalize the name of the disorder throughout the article.

Overall, the draft is very informative, and I like that it is succinct. It contains important information about morbidity rates and how the disorder affects different populations. Your article does not push any specific agenda, and each claim you make is supported by one or several sources, all of which are either clinical textbooks or systematic reviews. I think this draft was well done! Voicedisordersmegan (talk) 02:15, 27 October 2017 (UTC)

Thank you very much Megan!!!!! :) Axe30 (talk) 21:11, 2 November 2017 (UTC)

Chloe's peer review
Hey there lady. Great article - very matter of fact and straight to the point - what wiki needs. Love how many articles you have to back up your material - makes for stronger points and statements. Some things you may choose to take into consideration when editing your article - Just as someone else mentioned, there are wee little spelling errors in the signs and symptoms section - see above comments. As a student in this area I understood all of your writing very well, but found some sentences to be quite dense with big words that the general public may have a harder time with reading. (Although you did a wonderful job at explaining technical terms). Finally, I do not know what oyu are talking about when you mention "papillomas" in the final section. I have not looked at the entire page for your topic, so if it explains it somewhere else in the article, no worries!

Overall your work is very valuable and a great contribution to the page. Keep keeping on, my bright star.

Yoclofro (talk)

Merci Yolo-Chloe-Fro :D !!!!Axe30 (talk) 21:16, 2 November 2017 (UTC)

Feedback from Nicole
Hi alexie

I really like the way that you integrated information from multiple sources and made the contribution to various parts of the articles. You also showed critical skills when you reviewed the paper. you're also very responsive to your peer's comments. Job well done.

Nicole