User talk:B Betts0312/sandbox

Instructor Feedback of Draft/Peer Review 2
Jmorley89 this is not a detailed or thorough peer review, and doesn't provide your peer with much to go off of. I expected to see more from you based on my comments on your last peer review ("For the next round of edits I want you to work on digging deeper and providing richer feedback so that you and your peer are then working together to make these pages the best they can be.") and the instructions in my peer review email. What happened? Grade: 6/15 Gardneca (talk) 15:16, 21 March 2020 (UTC)

B Betts0312 first and foremost a reminder to add your response to Peer Review # 2 (from my email on March 17): By tomorrow, March 18 (ideally, but let me know if you can't for whatever reason): 1) Respond to your 2nd peer review in your sandbox talk page (10 points). Make all proofreading, grammatical, spelling, and structural changes. Make revisions if you have time, but in addition to the changes listed above, you must at acknowledge that you have seen the 2nd peer reviewer's suggestions, and write a brief sentence or two explaining what you will add to your article for the final draft and how your final article will be improved. You are currently losing marks for this, so please do it ASAP! Since your 2nd peer review doesn't have any concrete suggestions, please respond directly to my comments on the first and second draft.

B Betts0312 Great job tackling all the grammatical/stylistic changes that your first peer reviewer suggested, and good work adding content after that. Obviously my suggestion to go to the writing centre no longer applies, but I do want you to think about the overall presentation of your article and the flow of your sentences. Compare your work to other articles on Wikipedia, do the sentences and sections seem the same? How can you make your presentation that much more straightforward so that it's clear even to someone who doesn't know a thing about the topic? That's why they're visiting Wikipedia, after all! So, proofread and get a second set of eyes on this if you can, otherwise send me an email and I can help you out with your writing. I also want to add that you should take my previous suggestions into consideration, especially with regard to the additional bibliography and primary sources - your article relies very heavily on DiLuzio's work, which is great, but comb through her bibliography and see if you can add more references. Oh, and the title of DiLuzio's book is spelled incorrectly (altar not alter), make sure to go in and fix this in all your citations! Keep up the good work, you're in the home stretch! Grade: 13/15 (14/15 -1 for late submission). Gardneca (talk) 15:16, 21 March 2020 (UTC)

Peer Review 2
You have done some excellent work on this article. There is a lot of information on this article that you have put in. Have you been able to find any images to go along with the article? That would be a good addition to the article if you can find any. Jmorley89 (talk) 12:19, 16 March 2020 (UTC)

RunaBellona this is a wonderful review; you've clearly taken a lot of time to go through your peer's work with a fine tooth comb, and you provide really great copy-editing/proofreading feedback, as well as advice related to the content. Keep up this effort, it's really impressive! My only critique is to make sure that next time it's actually IN their talk page and not on a Google doc! :) Excellent work! Grade: 20/20 Gardneca (talk) 02:02, 6 March 2020 (UTC)

B Betts0312 you are really lucky, you've definitely received one of the most thorough and detailed peer reviews! I'm really impressed with your work as well, and the sheer amount of content you added. Excellent job on that front, and keep it up - when you're ready to add more content, I want to see some additional bibliography and some primary sources too! The biggest task for you for your next draft will be to incorporate all of the editing/proofreading changes your peer reviewer suggested. Start there, and then move on to adding more content only after you've corrected all the grammatical issues. You may consider stopping by the writing centre to get a second opinion once you've made the changes - it can really help to get a fresh set of eyes. Great work, I'm really looking forward to seeing where this page goes! Grade: 20/20 Gardneca (talk) 02:02, 6 March 2020 (UTC)