User talk:Bahbahblacksheep6969

Toiletus Paperus phobia is the phobia of toilet paper. After reading an article about this in my school newspaper, I thought it was the weirdest thing I had ever heard of, but after doing some successful research, I found that this was, in fact, a real phobia. And if you can not find any information on it, please read the rest of this article. I decided to contact someone with this phobia, Elisa Snow, a 26-year-old woman who grew up using leaves as toilet paper because her family was very poor and could not afford toilet paper. After contacting her via paper, ink and quill (that is the only way they will receive letters in her family), she agreed to meet me at a local Starbucks downtown. I recorded the conversation with my iPhone, and I will copy it down below: Me: I don't understand how you can have a phobia of toilet paper, Elisa. The Charmin bears in the commercials have always appealed to me in a sexual way, and wiping my butt with their toilet paper always gave me a small orgasm. Would you not like to have that feeling? Elisa: Like I said, my family is very poor, and all we could use were leaves. I have never seen the Charmin bears because when we bought our first TV, we didn't have an electrical outlet, we actually didn't have electricity at all. For light we would dowse our heads in polar bear lard and light our hair on fire, and the lard would prevent our scalps from burning. Me: Do you know what an orgasm is? Elisa: I got the occasional one when I accidentally grabbed poison ivy instead of a maple leaf to wipe my ass.

After a couple hours, our conversation got very boring, and the time was getting close to my gynecologist appointment, so I left the Starbucks with my latte and drove home, hoping that the conversation with Elisa meant anything. I did some more research when I arrived at home. I saw that your chances of getting the phobia increases as you use uncomfortable toilet paper. I recommended Charmin, a absorbent yet gentle bath tissue, that my mother used for our family. I am a Charmin girl at heart, and I know it. But one day, when i was 14, she came home with organic toilet paper made out of pine needles, and I looked at her and I said, mom, I have a rash on my ass as big as my head and as red as something that's really red. I NEED CHARMIN. So I made her go to the store to buy Charmin.

I AM NO LONGER AFRAID OF TOILET PAPER!