User talk:BananaPorcupine/sandbox

Hi BananaPorcupine,

There are only a couple suggestions I have for the article. If possible, try updating the stats in the introduction since they are from about 30 years ago.

For the suicide contagion section, I think it would be a great idea to see if any updates are available for the Standing Committee recommendations.

For the Teens at Risk section, the uncited quote doesn't seem all that necessary given the information after it. So I think it would be ok to remove. As for the in-text citations, it might help to see if the full citation is included in the References section and update them that way. Also, they are pretty old, so updating the information would be another helpful change.

For the Sexual Minority section, "youths" should be changed to "youth" in the third sentence. For the following phrase, "most likely to face negative experiences in youth," the words "in youth" is redundant and can be removed.

Bereavement section: "If done so, we may eliminate the largest potential for high youth suicide rates. " - this sentence sounds more like a claim than a summarization of material. A better way to present this would be by specifically mentioning the study that holds this view. ie. "study claims such an approach could eliminate the largest potential for high youth suicide rates."

Prevention section: Update all the verbs in the first sentence to ones ending in -ing. I agree that the reference to schools at the end of this section would need to be expanded upon if it is included. Otherwise, it kind of is just hanging there.

I really like how you included the table of world-wide suicide rates, even if it is a little older information. Overall, your edits have definitely been an improvement to the article.

CarsWiski (talk) 22:00, 18 November 2017 (UTC)