User talk:Beckalinageorge/sandbox

Feedback
This is a good start keep working. Right now your article focuses a lot on the male version of the ceremony, if there are any significant differences between the male and female versions, it would be interesting if you could find them and give details about the female version. As you continue I think the significance of adult vs child role section will be an important section to focus on. Kjatczak (talk) 21:21, 29 October 2015 (UTC)

Fantastic!
BLG, this is an amazing start. You have brought this so far along! Fantabulous.

I recommend you expand the lead section. Review the criteria here. The age of the ceremony, the continuation and discontinuation across time, a summary description of the ceremony (brief who what where how) would be very helpful.

Any portrayals of Genpuku in film or novels?

Are there any descriptions of the where, how, etc for the sources you've referenced?

As you work, check the paragraphs/sections for parallel structure. It's ok if you are missing some elements, but it would be good to try to have each section unfold similarly.

Have you found any sources that tell us what these rituals mean regarding how Japanese society thinks about youth, adulthood, or other important values?

How did Genpuku get started?

Great work - congrats. Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 22:17, 7 November 2015 (UTC)

Feedback from HBov
Hey Beckalinageorge!

The edits you are making are going to make a tremendous impact on the existing article! Great work!

I am going to give you comments based on each section in your edit.

Lead: Good

General ceremonial format: Good

Nara and Heian Periods: What is wakashu? In the second paragraph it initially read "During these period," I went in and put an "s" in to make it "During these periods."

Age of the Samurai: I really liked that you explained the differences in the ceremony from the previous time periods.

Muromachi period: Good stuff. I think you can either expand on this in its own section or you can try to integrate it into the previous section as its own paragraph.

Seijin Shiki: I liked that you are referencing the present coming-of-age ceremony! A little more explanation about seijin shiki in general would be helpful for future readers!

If you are able to find anything on the female equivalent of genpuku, it would be an awesome thing to add! :)

Overall, the structure and historical explanations are excellent! :) I cannot wait to read later drafts of your article! HBov (talk) 04:52, 16 November 2015 (UTC)

Feedback from Sugarhearty
Hi! So far, I've really enjoyed reading this. It's so interesting to read. I'm going to follow HBov's lead and give feedback by section.

Lead: Really good. I would suggest linking to the Tang Dynasty and Nara Period pages.

General Ceremonial Format: My only question here is what does "certain import" mean for the leader? Also, I suggest linking to the rite page here.

Nara and Heian Periods: Can you explain wakashu? Was the significance of court cap the responsibilities behind them?

Age of Samurai: Love the explanation of the difference here. In the 2nd paragraph, you said children, did you mean to put youth? Or is there a specific reason you said children?

Present Day: Love the modern day information. I hope thre is enough to expand on this section.

Overall, this is really great and interesting to read. I look forward to reading this again later on once you have it more developed.Sugarhearty (talk) 05:49, 16 November 2015 (UTC)