User talk:Bellerive37200/sandbox

Hello wonderful people editing this article! A couple notes about what I am working on (I promise this is very much a work in progress still)


 * This article was a mess when I began so I have been working on a combination of structural adjustments as well as adding in my own information


 * You can see the original article educational inequality


 * I added information under causes. My main addition (and one I am still working on) is gender. If you could give me comments on this section, that would be wonderful! I plan on expanding the implications of early marriage as well as finding more information about the impact of socialization.


 * Added the measuring inequality section. Do you feel this fits into the article as a whole well?
 * I created a solutions section. The early intervention section was already there. I am still working on expanding this, especially the global efforts part. What else should I add to this section? Is it working to eliminate systemic bias?


 * I have added information into the international evidence section about South Africa. I plan on adding in information about several other countries. However, the information provided about various countries differs. Do you think I should focus on education as a whole in these sections or is it okay if I get specific and discuss higher education in one international evidence section and primary education in another?

Things I would love you to look for
 * I have not gotten a chance to go through and edit for encyclopedic tone

1. Sections to add to to eliminate systemic bias

2. Sections that are unnecessary or contribute to bias

3. Over arching structural problems.

4. Places I could add links to other wikis

THANK YOU!

=Good work= This article was much more developed than the one I chose to edit, so I give you a lot of credit for tackling this project! Overall your writing was very professional and you have a great start to making this article more globally inclusive.

The biggest struggle I am seeing between the original article and your sandbox is eliminating systemic bias in general, especially since the original article uses the U.S. to frame the entire piece. I don’t think this is something that you can completely change on your own, but it may be helpful to mention this goal on the article talk page so that others can continue to edit and eliminate bias. Education inequality is an important issue that reaches far beyond the U.S., so I am happy to see work being done to improve this article.

Here are some specific suggestions or observations that I had while reading your sandbox:

Lead Paragraph

 * Good job pairing down lead paragraph into less sections – Abby told me it was good to have fewer paragraphs at the beginning
 * Make sure language could be understood by a high school student – I would change the word efficacy or add a link here to make sure the meaning of education inequality is clear
 * As the article as a whole is revised, I think it should be a goal to remove the sentence clarifying that the article focuses on America, but I understand why it is there now!
 * Can you clarify the second paragraph? Should you specify that language and gender are also barriers to education?

Causes

 * I merged your two sentences into one paragraph and clarified which sections are being focused on in this section (you forgot to include your new gender addition!)

History

 * Is there anyway to add a global history perspective to show how inequality in education has been perpetuated everywhere over time? This may be too much for you to do alone, but something worthwhile to mention on the articles talk page

Gender

 * Changed gender rolls to roles ☺
 * In the female disparity section explain how attacks are linked to people wanting to prohibit female education
 * May want to explain the use of Nigeria as an example since this seems very specific – where else is gender an issue in education?

Resources

 * Same idea as History section – can you show how barriers to resources block education opportunities globally?
 * I’m glad you removed the part on the Wage gap, it was irrelevant to the rest of the article

Effects of Education Inequality

 * I would consider removing this section and adding ‘Social mobility’ to the ‘Causes’ section – it seems like not being able to access education is more of a cause than an effect of inequality.
 * There was also a section from the original article titled ‘Other factors’ that had some good information on social mobility that you may want to reconsider for the ‘Social mobility’ section

Solutions
Solutions Global Efforts (Remove Early Education Intervention header) Assessment Education for All Global Partnership for Education Intervention in U.S.
 * I would remove the phrase “seems necessary”. I think the facts as a whole prove its necessity without making the article seem biased.
 * I thought all of the headings were difficult to follow and figure out which section went under each larger heading – I would suggest this layout:

International evidence

 * Possibly retitle “Global evidence”?

Hopefully this isn’t too overwhelming! I think that as a whole you’ve done a great job eliminating bias and making the article more all encompassing. Let me know if you have any questions about my suggestions. --Locke Perkins (talk) 00:00, 7 November 2014 (UTC)