User talk:Benjaminshokouhi/sandbox

1/31/2018 Evaluation by Reesehanson
Reesehanson (talk) 18:44, 31 January 2018 (UTC)
 * Points: 37/40
 * Grade: 92.5%

Spelling/Grammar
Does not meet standards I'm going to put a little more explanation in the language section.

Language
Nearly meets standards I noticed a few spots where grammar could be improved upon in the first sentence. Here's what I was thinking as a potential edit for the first part. "Cultuurmarkt van Vlaanderenis is a musical festival and a touristic attraction that takes place annually on the final Sunday of August in the city center of Antwerp. Where international and local musicians and actors, present their stage and street performances." This is only an example of many potential ways that could help the section flow a little easier, with regards to the grammar and language.

Organization
Meets standards I would say it was good, considering this is a relatively short first assignment for us.

Coding
Meets standards I didn't see anything wrong with the coding.

Validity
Exceeds standards The information presented was solid and backed up by several sources.

Completion
Nearly meets standards There could be room to add a little more information about the festivals or about any other annual music events. How many festivals or events does Antwerp hold a year?

Relevance
Exceeds standards All the information you presented was relevant to the topic at hand.

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly meets standard

Language
Nearly meets standard

This is an interesting topic! Your sentences weren't flowing really well though, so I made a few changes/suggestions. :) I removed the part about the view being breathtaking because that is subjective information not fact.

Cultuurmarkt van Vlaanderenis is a music festival and tourist attraction held in the Antwerp city center every year on the last Sunday of August. It features international and local musicians as well as actors, who participate in both stage and street performances.

Linkerwoofer is a pop-rock music festival located on the left bank of the Scheldt overlooking Antwerp city. This music festival starts in August and features mostly local Belgian musicians.

Organization
Meets Standard

I might make the heading "Antwerp Music Festivals".

Coding
Meets Standard

Validity
Meets Standard.

Completion
Nearly meets standard

I would recommend at least one more sentence of substance.

Relevance
Meets Standard.

3/1/2018 Evaluation by Reesehanson
Reesehanson (talk) 23:00, 1 March 2018 (UTC)

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly Meets Standards There are several lines where if you tweaked the order of words or phrasing the whole section would come off much smoother. For example, "TRT Documentary is also part of Turkish National TV channels which broadcasting in Izmir" could potentially be "TRT Documentary is a Turkish National TV Channel broadcasting in Izmir." There are a few other sections that could use a little rephrasing. Also there were several uses of the word providence in odd spots, I think you might have intended to use the word province.

Language
Meets Standard In the sections where you are writing you use proper diction.

Organization
Meets standards The structure is fine.

Coding
Meets standards There were only a few code errors related to links to pages that do not exist.

Validity
Meets standards The information appears solid but there are only two sources.

Completion
Nearly meets standards I would say this part is on the line between "nearly meeting standards" and "not meeting standards." There are a several areas where it would be worthwhile to go into greater depth regarding the media channels. Maybe some history about the media or what forms of media are the most popular within the city. For health you could parts about the most pressing health issues within the city.

Relevance
Meets standards Relevance was up to standard

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly meets standard

It is difficult to see the changes I have made in talk page format, but here is my edited version of your paragraphs. Feel free to completely ignore my edits, everything is just my opinion. :) General advice, make sure there is a space between one sentence and another, particularly in the last paragraph.

Amsterdam could be considered the birthplace of LGBT rights.  (Is this your opinion or a scholar’s? Make sure to state only facts, not make conclusions of your own.)  Homosexuality was decriminalized in 1811, and the first gay bar followed in 1927. [4] One of the world's first gay rights organisations, the COC, was founded in Amsterdam in 1946. The COC works to increase public knowledge and awareness of LGBT issues in Amsterdam. [5]

The European Union signed the Treaty of Amsterdam on 2 October 1997 to assure the LGBT community access to basic rights such as civil union and marriage. Effective 1 May 1999 [9], the treaty was the final product of a protracted Intergovernmental Conference [10] [11]. The Treaty of Amsterdam, signed in Amsterdam, marks a significant milestone for the LGBT community in the European Union. [12] The changes introduced by the Treaty include a new clause, Article 13, which covers discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation, together with sex, racial or ethnic origin, religion, belief, disability and age. This is the first time that any express reference to discrimination on grounds other than sex or nationality has appeared in the Treaties. It follows extensive campaigning by non-governmental organisations, including International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association ILGA-Europe [13][14]. Article 13 of the Amsterdam Treaty provides the European Union with a legal basis to take action to combat discrimination mainly against LGBT citizens of the EU. [15]

As the Netherlands was the first country in the world to legalize same-sex marriage, the Mayor of Amsterdam officiated the first legal gay and lesbian nuptials in the capital city. Same-sex couples are guaranteed equal citizenship rights under EU and Kingdom of Netherlands law. [19][20] Mayor Job Cohen told the newlyweds at the ceremony, held in 2001 at City Hall, "You are celebrating your marriage, and you are also celebrating your right to be married”. [21] [22] In 2001, the year same-sex marriage was legalized, Statistics Netherlands reported 2,414 same-sex marriages, the equivalent of 2.9% of all sealed marriages from that year. The majority of same-sex marriage certificates in the Netherlands are registered by the Amsterdam municipality.

Amsterdam is an especially popular place for the Dutch LGBT community, with same-sex couples representing 5 percent of all couples living in the city. The area around the Amstel is one of the city’s traditional LGBT areas. The Reguliersdwarsstraat is one of the most important LGBT streets in Amsterdam for wining, dining, partying and shopping. The area around Zeedijk and Warmoesstraat is also popular for its LGBT-friendly shopping and nightlife. There are several LGBT bars and cafes located in Center district. [24] As a tribute to the many gays and lesbians who lost their lives in World War II, the city unveiled the first-ever Homomonument in 1987 in the center of Amsterdam. [6] The Pink Kiosk next to the Homomonument provides information about the Homomonument, as well as general information on gay and lesbian Amsterdam. [7] [8]

Amsterdam is known as the gay capital of the Europe. The Gay Pride parade in Amsterdam is not only one of the most important events in Netherlands but also lately considered a touristic destination for LGBT tourists from all over the Europe. The Amsterdam Gay Pride parade runs from 28 July till 5 August 2018. [16][17] Amsterdam also became the first city outside North America to host the Gay Games in 1998. [18]

Language
Nearly meets standard

Some things seem more like an opinion or something you would see in a travel guide, not an encyclopedia. I changed some of these things in my edit, and made note of others.

Organization
Nearly meets Standard

I rearranged some of your paragraphs and sentences so they are more organized by topic.

Coding
Nearly Meets Standard

There seems to be an issue with some of your reference coding.

Validity
Meets Standard.

Completion
Meets standard

Relevance
Does Not Meet Standard.

This was the biggest problem I saw, excess information that did not relate directly to Amsterdam. I trimmed it down for you a little in my edit.

3/21/2018 Evaluation by Reesehanson
Reesehanson (talk) 14:36, 21 March 2018 (UTC)

Spelling/Grammar
Meets Standards There as been a lot of improvement in your spelling and grammar! There are few small ares where you could get it to flow a little. A good trick for this is to go through and read it aloud.

Language
Meets Standard Your diction is very good. Maybe a few places where it becomes a little less formal than encyclopedia diction.

Organization
Nearly Meets standards A bit more structure would help this article. Breaking the LGBT section down a little more into sub headers might be helpful.

Coding
Meets standards The coding looks good. The addition of pictures really helps.

Validity
Meets standards The information looks valid.

Completion
Complete Very complete with lots of very good information.

Relevance
Meets standards A very relevant topic today.

Spelling/Grammar
Exceeds Standard I did not notice any spelling or grammar mistakes.

Language
Exceeds Standard I thought that it all sounded very encyclopedic, but not so unrelatable that it was not available to be read well by the reader.

Organization
Meets Standard I would suggest adding a few more sub categories to the general LGBT tab, but it is not necessary for the general flow of the article/entry.

Coding
Exceeds Standard I don't notice any problems with your code, but I am not well versed in coding.

Validity
Exceeds Standard All of your information seems well sourced and like it is on solid knowledge.

Completion
Exceeds Standard 24 sources? You really have outdone yourself, also, your general LGBT section looks very well cultivated.

Relevance
Exceeds Standard You do not seem to go on any random tangents or make far reaching claims.