User talk:Benjamintsawyer/sandbox

Feedback on 2nd draft
Michelev (talk) 17:43, 16 April 2014 (UTC)
 * Good revisions for time-neutral language.
 * Needs editing for comma splices.
 * Check where/were confusion. I marked two with italics - there are more.
 * Two separate paragraphs of information need sources.