User talk:Bennetmu1492

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When editing articles related about medical-related topics, please bear in mind is that the standards for citations for these is higher than the general standard for sources in Wikipedia articles. Focus more on review articles and less on the latest discoveries. Findings like these are very difficult for a non-expert to put in the proper context without synthesizing a whole body of research literature. While we encourage the use of secondary and tertiary sources in general, this is especially important in medical-related topics. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:37, 4 February 2015 (UTC)

Pyrethrin Project
Hey teammate! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Jak0313 (talk • contribs) 19:22, 15 February 2015 (UTC)

Hey Maggie! Egilmore15 (talk) 18:52, 22 February 2015 (UTC)Egilmore15

Lead Section

 * Possibly extend this section a little bit more to give the Wiki reader a better overview of what will be discussed below in the article
 * I am a little confused by the intro because you state that pyrethrins are replacing organophosphates and organochlorides but also that pyrethroids are replacing pyrethrins. I would try to make this slightly clearer to the reader. In the past were pyrethrins used and now there seems to be a switch toward pyrethroids?
 * Also, in your last sentence, are the pyrethroids or pyrethrins biodegradable? I would reword this sentence so that the reader can more easily understand which compound is biodegradable
 * I think that some of these sentences are a little too long and wordy. It would be easier for the reader to understand if you broke up this lead section into smaller more direct sentences.
 * This introduction section needs to have citations

History and Biosynthesis

 * I think it may be more useful to break this section up into two separate sections: History and Biosynthesis (or Composition). I would put the biosynthesis section first. The sections will be shorter, but it will be easier for the reader to find the information they are looking for.
 * The biosynthesis section is great and very detailed! I would add a hyperlink to pyrethorids.
 * Is there only pyrethrin I and pyrethrin II? Or are these just the main two types of pyrethrin? I would maybe add a sentence about this.
 * If possible maybe add a caption to the image to explain what compounds and which reaction is shown

Production

 * Try not to use words like “now” as this article will be around for many years. In your fourth sentence, I would change “now” to a specific year or decade, giving a more concrete statement of time.

As an Insecticide

 * I would potentially change the name of this section to “Uses”
 * In the first sentence, I would get rid of the part that says “for over 100 years” as this will change as more time passes.
 * I would potentially transfer first part of the third paragraph to the toxicity section, up to “in home care products”. Then I would take the second part of the third paragraph and the fourth paragraph and move it to the “Environmental Effects” section.

Toxicity

 * In your toxicity section, you could definitely add some hyperlinks to some of the symptoms caused by pyrethrum exposure
 * I would move your environmental effects section to be its own Major Heading, not a subheading of Toxicity
 * In the last sentence of your chronic toxicity section, I would either remove the part about allergies or add more about what damage to the central nervous system and the immune system could cause. Worsening of allergies seems to be just one on many things that could occur due to damages to these two systems.
 * Your “environmental effects” section has two broken hyperlinks, shown in red and you could even potentially rename it to say “Environmental Effects and Regulation”

Overall Comments

 * Overall, I think this article was written really well and it is super informative! Most of my comments are about rewording some confusing statements, reorganizing, or adding a little bit of information somewhere! Sorry if it seems like a lot, but overall I think you guys did a great job!
 * One last comment… When reading through this article, I felt that some of the sentences were a little wordy. These articles should have short, direct sentences that make it very easy for the reader to understand what is being said. I feel like some of your longer sentences could be broken up into smaller sentences or just reworded to make some of the sentences a little clearer.

Sej942 (talk) 18:14, 3 April 2015 (UTC)

Classmate Review 2
Introduction

In the last sentence of the introductory paragraph, you should make it clearer which is biodegradable-pyrethrins or pyrethroids, because it seems like you are saying pyrethroids are more favorable than pyrethrins because pyrethrins are more biodegradable, which does not make sense. This issue comes up later on as well. There are no citations in this introduction, and it could be expanded to include a glimpse at potential harmful effects on the environment or humans who are exposed.

As an Insecticide

The second and third sentences of the second paragraph are really confusing-please clarify what you mean here. Also, in the third paragraph, you say that pyrethrins are regarded as better for the environment because they are biodegradable. If this is true, please clarify what you said in the introduction-it should say that pyrethroids are being phased out in favor of pyrethrins instead of the other way around. I did look at the article for pyrethroids, and it says they are biodegradable as well, so if this is the case, make it clear that pyrethrins are more biodegradable if that is the case. The last two paragraphs of this section should be incorporated into the Toxicity section as they would be more relevant there.

Toxicity

Please make it clear what pyrethrum is in the first sentence that you mention it in in this section. In this section particularly, it is confusing sometimes when you switch between talking about pyrethrins, pyrethroids and pyrethrum in the same paragraph. Perhaps it would be better to organize the toxicity section by discussing the toxic effects of each separately, or just mainly focusing on pyrethrins, since there are articles for the other two already.

Overall: This article does a great job at giving a basic understanding of the history and nature of pyrethrins. There were numerous grammatical errors and some awkward phrasings, which I edited, but I may have missed some so you should check it over again. It may be helpful to make an exposure subheading separate from the toxicity subheading, and expand both of these sections. Your other subheadings are fleshed out, but the toxicity one could do with some expanding and perhaps more facts coming from sources like PubMed instead of basic toxicology sheets, and much more information about effects on humans if you can find it. Also include any future or current ongoing research that is being conducted about pyrethrins that you may find. At least one of your citations (6) does not have a functioning link anymore, so you should check that out as well. I hope this helps! Hwola (talk) 16:46, 4 April 2015 (UTC)