User talk:Bherrin3/William Pulgram

Overall written very good! It's clear and well structured! I would consider adding some images--Lemonlime2020 (talk) 01:38, 27 February 2021 (UTC)

The "Career" section has solid information but I believe it could be organized differently. Because the first sentence is starting off the section, use his name (William Pulgram) rather than using "he". If a viewer were to randomly pick this section to read without knowing the context of the article they would not know who they are reading about. Also see if sentences that are currently separate would flow better combined.

There is lots of solid content in the "Projects" section but continue to edit it to see if it would flow better as a full paragraph rather than as a list. You could also try keeping it in the list format but changing the way each sentence starts to give the section more flow.

Overall good work! SophiaGeyer (talk) 15:52, 23 February 2021 (UTC)

Peer Review Complete (see peer review for notes)- Erin Bascom — Preceding unsigned comment added by Erinbascom (talk • contribs) 18:44, 23 February 2021 (UTC)

The overall content is very concise and written with a very clear structure. I think a paragraph would flow a lot better than listed format of the material. You have a good amount of content for your first draft. Good luck! joannluksza (talk) 12:23, 24 February 2021 (UTC)

Hi ! Here's your peer review :)

"Career" section: Good content, neutrally written with a clear timeline of the different jobs and pathways he took. Sometimes, the language is slightly inconsistent as there's both language in the present and past tense. I would suggest writing the whole section in past tense instead of "he then joins..." since he's no longer in those job positions. Though this isn't technically wrong, I'd also change some "He, His" to "Pulgram then joined..." to create some diversity in the language used and to make the article flow better overall. There are a couple dates included in the text, but if you can find others that precisely tell the readers when he started/left the job, that would provide the readers with a more clear and structured timeline of his life. The text has a couple grammatical errors too, so I'd just quickly re-read over the main body -- "ensure" instead of "insure" about halfway down. Other than that, the content itself is useful and informative and provides clear details on Pulgram's life.

Also make sure your second link works -- I clicked it and it couldn't find the URL :)

"Projects" section: Lots of interesting content that goes into detail into the projects Pulgram took on. Neutrally written. Not sure if this important but maybe try using "Pulgram's firm did..." instead of "William did..." and re-arrange some of the paragraphs so that the article is more organized and his projects are written in chronological order. Also check the grammar in a couple places, I'm assuming you meant "remodelled" instead of "remolded" in the second sentence :) Chaiteaboba (talk) 23:09, 8 March 2021 (UTC)