User talk:Bhousey7785/sandbox

Dante's Evaluation of "Western Culture" Draft
You do a good job of employing understandable concise language to describe the Terminology and Religion of Western culture. One sentence: "He states that Russia's Orthodox Christianity is more closely related to the religions of the East and the historical despotic rule parallels that of Egyptian and Mesopotamian culture more than Greek and Roman." needs a comma between "East" and "and," or a reformatting of language because it is a little difficult to understand. Other than that I found no other grammar, spelling, or proofreading revisions to make among your sentences. Each sentence conveys a factual claim either from an Encyclopedia or a sourced scholars' opinion on the topic. However one sentence is not cited: "According to National Geographic, the inclusion of Greek and Roman art, literature, and history has been pillar of Western Culture." should be pretty easy to find a source for the sentence. There are good signal phrases introducing the Encyclopedia the information came from or the specific scholar that was paraphrased/quoted. I think your additions to the sections you chose nicely wrap up and add more necessary context. You did a good job of addressing and adding content to a large article, and having the context of the Wikipedia article greatly helped me understand where your content gaps were. Your writing also is unbiased and does not assume that one point of view on the Terminology of Western culture is greater than another, I did not find any examples of word to watch out for in the draft. I would italicize the titles of books and journals you used in your signal phrases to display the distinction between the source and the content of the sentence. You repeat the word "states" to introduce signal phrases a lot, maybe look into using other words to introduce the paraphrase or thought.

Ethan's evaluation of Western Culture Draft
From the sections that you edited, I think you did a really good job at making the language understandable and concise. I didn't find much grammar errors or revisions that id suggest. Nothing is unclear to me and I think you are doing great. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Eed49 (talk • contribs) 15:57, 3 December 2019 (UTC)

Djschorge (talk) 17:01, 26 November 2019 (UTC)

Kakazi's Peer Edit of Dante's Draft https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jOQ_fPuyI0QpCyoSB-q_C4ZZh4b-aleup30ml9f5ctc/edit?usp=sharing — Preceding unsigned comment added by Kakazi Kacyira (talk • contribs) 23:54, 1 December 2019 (UTC)