User talk:Bkp31079/sandbox

GREAT JOB
Bianca, here are some suggestions for your sandbox! In the abstract I think you did a good job of explaining the disease without being too confusing. In the history section I would add more about their studies about the bleeding disorder, (if any more info is available). Otherwise the history section was easy to read and provided the necessary information. In statistics and demographics does the disease affect all races equally? What regions is consanguinity most prevalent? The mechanism of disorder would be tough for an 8th grader to read and comprehend. It also did not contain any citations. Symptoms are all listed and I like how you listed the first symptom that is normally found. I would suggest adding a citation for the bottom portion of information. Someone may be asking how you know that the symptoms are chronic. In the diagnosis maybe add what results will be found with each test. Maybe add a section describing what the table means. I think you have a great start to your sandbox and I would continue add all the information that you can in the current research. Rocko1569 (talk) 14:42, 12 November 2015 (UTC)

Sweiner02 (talk) 22:19, 12 November 2015 (UTC)
 * Unless you're planning on adding more, it might be better to merge S&D and History into the abstract, rather than have such short sections.
 * Mechanism: What causes the lack of fibrinogen? Connect the mutation to your mechanism. Also, I'd probably retitle it just mechanism. As your other reviewer mentioned, need citations. I also would drop the subheading unless you're using more than one.
 * In general, don't mention random criteria from our rubric if they aren't known or aren't relevant. Unless it's something big that someone would look for (like major aspects of the mechanism), just leave them out.
 * Other than the mechanism, this article is well cited. You also have a good start on linking, although the symptoms and a few other places could use a little more.
 * Obviously your recent research needs more sources and proper citations. If you're having trouble with that, let me know.

Hey Bianca,

I think this is really great! Maybe since there are not different stages of the disease you could write about different severities found in people. Also, since there are no warning signs and this is a genetic disorder, could there be a way to screen for it before birth? In treatment and prognosis I had to think about what CNS meant, and I ended up looking on Google. Other than that it looks great!

I think you definitely have a great understanding of your disease choice and that you have found some really great sources. It may just need a little more elaboration in a few of the sections, like; research, prognosis, and the abstract. However, I have not really written too much on my Wikipedia page either, so mine looks very similar.

Nice job!

- Sam — Preceding unsigned comment added by Salex68 (talk • contribs) 23:07, 12 November 2015 (UTC)