User talk:Blodhammer

Suzie Tits

Suzie Tits was Becks' posh friend who is an Oxford Graduate. Named as such due to the absolute unnaturally large chest monsters she sported. She had in the past shared a game of tonsil hockey or two with my then girlfriend. Upon one drunken visit to Hull it was proposed that some time over the weekend we all adjourn to the satin kingdom together and see how far things could go. Like the naive fool that I was I bottled this due to it 'not being right'. Later in the relationship when it was nearing the knackers yard I had a liaison with Suzie Tits but due to a lack of flod it was a wine bottle that had to go for a hide, not sausage. However upon discovering the disappointing news Suzie Tits did offer up the consolation "Oh Well I better suck you off all night then". As it happens in 2003 Chicken and I bumped into her at a party in Soho full of coked up media twats. We left the party early due to the danger of starting impending violence with Suzie Tits in tow. I took her back to Les Towers and nailed her within two breaths of her life during which she was so noisy that Sam accused her of faking it through the wall. About six weeks later I received a booty call from her on a Friday night and after flying over to Wimbledon to eat swordfish we taxied back to her gaff for more tiring adult Olympics. However by this time she was now proudly sporting hairy armpits ("why should I bow to the conventions of society?") and a bush that even Emmanuel would have taken the shears to. We did the business with the window open as we both decided it might be a thrill if a passer by looked through and saw. Four months later I rang up to see if any no strings action could be had and was shocked to discover that she was engaged to a Harry Krishna and was expecting his brown baby. Last thing I heard Suzie Tits was happily married and a fully fledged Harry Krishna. Suzie Tits also slept with Kurt James Preston forcing me to spend a night sleeping on communal stairs in his block of flats in Reading.