User talk:Bokhan/Cranial kinesis

Hi Bethany, I like the organization of your sandbox and the way you made an outline for the first draft. The information you wish to add seems non-biased and relevant to your article and it definitely goes into more detail than the sentence that would be preceding your addition. The way you present the text is easy to follow and simplified but I think a few minor edits can be made. For example: I think the picture goes hand-in-hand with the information you want to present but would there be a way to decrease its size? Your sources seem credible and are peer-reviewed. I'm not sure which article you are editing and where this edit would go relative to the rest of the article. As a revision, maybe you can add the article title that you will be editing in the sandbox as well as the section title. RNAsilencing (talk) 18:58, 31 March 2022 (UTC)
 * Bulleted list item Studies done in cottonmouth snakes suggest that the process of eating as it relates to movement of the cranial bones can be situated into three parts: hold, advance, and close
 * Bulleted list item: Studies done in cottonmouth snakes suggest that the process of eating, as it relates to movement of the cranial bones, can be situated into three parts: hold, advance, and close (I would add some comas to break up the sentence)

Hi Bethany, I think the image that you have chosen is terrific. Maybe a stronger way to phrase your first and second sentence is: The cranial bones shift in three phases of hold, advance, and close during the eating process. Also, make sure it is clear if the first sentence only applies to cottonmouth snakes or if it applies to other snakes like the banded water snake as well. Scientist06 (talk) 19:10, 5 April 2022 (UTC)