User talk:Bportis/Berlin

Overall Comments
It is always a pleasure reviewing your work. The amount of time that you put into researching and writing this is quite clear. I wish you the best. Caleb26 (talk) 06:22, 19 March 2018 (UTC)
 * Points: 38.5/40
 * Grade: 96%

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly Meets standard I would make the change noted in brackets as it is possessive. You already used the correct form throughout the page. "Berlin saw more growth in [its] startup sector..."

In the same sentence noted above I believe you would want to use "...investment [in] startups." rather than "...into startups."

I noticed that 50% of the article is written with commas preceding "and" while 50% does not. I would advise you to decide whether you would prefer to have the commas or if would rather go without them. Either is correct as long as consistency is maintained. You could make this decision based upon how the commas are currently used in the Berlin article. Unfortunately, in checking the article myself I have found that it is not consistent. However, it certainly does lean more towards not using commas before "and". The choice is yours.

There is an issue with this sentence: "Another Berlin based startup which has been extremely successful is Delivery Hero, is valued at around 4.4 billion Euro, and sees an annual revenue of about 347 million Euro." You could probably make the sentence function by saying "Another Berlin based startup [that] has been extremely successful is Delivery Hero, [which] is valued at around 4.4 billion Euro, and sees an annual revenue of about 347 million Euro." I think that this is correct in this context. You could, of course, reword it to something else if you like.

Another sentence that could use some attention is "One of the largest benefits of starting a company in Berlin is its low cost of living, where cost of living is 34% cheaper than that of London." I would advise you to change the sentence in the following way, "One of the largest benefits of starting a company in Berlin is [the] low cost of living [as it] is 34% cheaper than London."

Another sentence that is in need of adjustment is the following, 'Berlin has started an ad campaign to help convince London startups to move to Berlin, with white trucks driving around London with a sign that says "Dear start-ups, keep calm and move to Berlin"' I would change it to, 'Berlin has started an ad campaign to help convince London startups to move to Berlin, [and has] white trucks driving around London with a sign that says, "Dear start-ups, keep calm and move to Berlin"'

Language
Meets standard The tone is consistent with an encyclopedia format. I suppose (though) that this is the area where I should discuss style. One thing that I noticed was that many sentences were started with "Berlin" or used "Berlin" more than once in the same sentence. If it is possible, you could try to replace "Berlin" with "it" or "the city" or something else as long as it does not affect sentence comprehension.

One sentence that you might look over in regard to style is: "Berlin sees new startups frequently, and many smaller startups in Berlin are extremely innovative, but are recently new and looking to be the next big thing." I understand what is meant by "...recently new..." but, it may be better to explore alternatives to this to help the audience more easily understand the meaning of the sentence.

Organization
Exceeds standard. The paragraphs stick to the topics listed in the headings. Therefore, I would suggest that organization is good.

Coding
Meets standard. There are no coding errors present.

Validity
Meets standard. In checking a number of facts presented and verifying the citations, the information presented appears to be valid.

Completion
Meets standard. Twenty sources are present, as are four paragraphs. The requirement of five paragraphs was described as being "fungible". Thus, I believe that the number of paragraphs you have are sufficient given the amount of information you have provided and the size of your paragraphs. Well done.

Relevance
Meets standard. The relevance of the topics that are touched on is evident. The only thing that I might adjust is the subheading for the last paragraph. In just glancing at the subheadings it seems strange to compare Berlin to the UK. Why not compare it to other countries? of course, in reading the paragraph they would quickly understand the context. But, if you were to change it to, "Post-Brexit Comparisons to the UK" then there would be more context in the subheading.

3/20/2018 Evaluation by Paul E. Hubbard
'''I've seen a few grammatical errors, and I saw a couple spots where you could link to another page, but other than that, good job! '''
 * Points : 38/40
 * Grade: 95

Spelling/Grammar
Meets standards: I noticed that you put present and future tense in the sentence "Berlin itself is seeing a large growth of 2.5 percent in 2017, which is above the national average of 1.6 percent.", when the sentence is referring to something that happened in 2017. That would mean you need past tense.

I also feel this sentence "Another Berlin based startup which has been extremely successful is Delivery Hero, is valued at around 4.4 billion Euro, and sees an annual revenue of about 347 million Euro" could be broken up into at least two sentences for better clarity. I would recommend "Another Berlin based startup which has been extremely successful is Delivery Hero. Delivery Hero is valued at around 4.4 billion Euro, and sees an annual revenue of about 347 million Euro.", or something to that effect.

Language
Meets standard: Looks good to me!

Organization
Meets standard: Well organized!

Coding
Nearly Meets standard: I think it looks great, but I would probably tone down the amount of links to the same thing. For example, you have 16 links to Berlin within the articles, and the post would be published in the page for Berlin. I don't think it would be necessary to link to the page that article would be in 16 times.

Validity
Meets standard: Super valid! Good job!

Completion
Nearly Meets standard: It is only about four paragraphs, and he technically did say "about five paragraphs", which could be interpreted as less or more than five. I would have to bet that he meant five, but again, it's totally open to interpretation.

Relevance
Meets standard: Very relevant. The times they are uh changin.