User talk:Brandonhoilett/Jeremy Jahns

In the first section, it may be helpful to specify what kind of releases Jahns focuses on, blockbusters, indie movies, tv shows, etc?

In the last sentence of the first paragraph, capitalize 'The.'

In the second paragraph, add the word 'he' so that it reads 'but since he has become.'

It may be helpful to add as of what date he reached certain stats on his Youtube page, such as the subscriber and video numbers.

'as of November 2018.'

'a blogging site'

'on his primary channel'

In the Collaborations section, perhaps make it all one sentence so that it flows better.

'ranked Jeremy Jahns as the number one' Justcomics (talk) 15:50, 13 November 2018 (UTC)

'red background' instead of 'a red background'

capitalize T in 'the description' at beginning of the sentence

first sentence of the Career section has a lot of info; could probably be split into multiple sentences

make section heading 'WatchMojo's' instead of 'Watch Mojo's' if their company name is meant to be all one wordAWDfall (talk) 16:07, 13 November 2018 (UTC)

Andryshak_P3PR
- In the "collaboration" section, it might be helpful to specify what kinds of channels he collaborates with - other movie critics, movie execs, etc.

- "The" needs to be capitalized at the beginning of the second sentence.

- Cite Jahns' channel when you quote the description.

- Under "Career," you might want to specify "his primary /channel/" instead of just "his primary."

- The last section is awkwardly worded (lots of commas too) - reword and expand upon. Split into multiple sentences.

- Citations! All facts should have scholarly sources if possible, or any reputable source (his YouTube channel, for example) that backs your facts.

Artyshark (talk) 16:12, 13 November 2018 (UTC)