User talk:Brinney/sandbox

Isis' Wiki Peer Review
CarrNayeli (talk)Isis

Suggested edits: Estrogen therapy is (an) underused treatment by those going through the symptoms of menopause such as hot flashes, breast tenderness, (and) __(remove "worse," seems a bit objective) premenstrual syndrome. (Include who/what mentions this) The lack of understanding and past research caused fear in doctors ___ to recommend Estrogen therapy (to patients) as an option when (they) first experience''' menopause. “Women are suffering unnecessarily from the negative impact of hot-flushes on their day-to-day lives when many of them could safely and effectively be treated with hormone therapy,” Kristen A. Matteson, MD, Associate Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology, Warren Alpert Medical School of Brown University, and a spokesperson for the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). Discrepancy began when the studies that the Womens Health Initiative conducted came to the conclusion that estrogen therapy, or hormone therapy as it is commonly known, increases your risk of breast cancer along with heart disease and stroke. Later on it was brought to light that the researchers included results of those a decade older than typical age of those who experience menopause which skewed the data presented. It is recommended to broach the conversation with your doctor as the risks vary from person to person but it is an option worth looking into. (this last part isn't really needed. It kind of sounds like you're trying to persuade someone to try it out)

“Hormone Therapy: Is It Right for You?” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 24 May 2018, www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/menopause/in-depth/hormone-therapy/art-20046372.

Karras, Tula. “Estrogen Therapy Is Underused in Women in Their 40s and 50s, Due to Outdated Thinking.” EndocrineWeb, PracticalPainManagement, 17 Oct. 2017, www.endocrineweb.com/news/other-endocrine-disorders/57541-estrogen-therapy-underused-women-their-40s-50s-due-outdated-thi.

Comments:
 * Very good work overall!
 * I would work on inserting the citations and getting more sources such as research that's been done for journals
 * I would also re-word the sentence that I bolded. It could use a different structure so that it flows better.
 * What "section" would this edit go under? Is it part of a larger section, or are you adding a new section to the article specifically on estrogen treatment?
 * Maybe you can add a statistic on the number of women with menopause that go through this treatment if the section will just be on the estrogen treatment and nothing similar has been added to the article already.
 * Nothing seems off-topic and I can see how it relates to menopause, so that's all good!
 * Perhaps you could introduce viewpoints on how effective or non-effective it has been for women with menopause?
 * Make sure to watch out for terms or ideas that don't seem neutral like using the opinion of the doctor that stated that women are suffering "unnecessarily." It might be true, but it sounds like it's just their opinion since there's no data presented

CarrNayeli (talk) 23:02, 25 November 2018 (UTC)Isis