User talk:Brittanipirone

Welcome
Welcome to Wikipedia. I am an Online Ambassador and I will be working with your class. I will be available (on Wiki time, i.e., usually within 24 hours) to answer questions. I may also offer suggestions and/or make gnomish edits to your work. You can leave a message for me on my talk page, or you can send me an e-mail using the link on my user or talk page. -- Donald Albury 12:19, 17 February 2012 (UTC)

Very Interesting Article
I am curious as to how you first came across this article or even these people? I absolutely think that this article is an exciting topic it is vivid, blunt and extremely passionate. However, I would suggest that you revise your diction choice. I know I am having the problem of remaining objective when expanding my article (because I believe objectivity is a fallacy) but the sections of this article have an overarching tone of condemnation to them, almost as if the Yanomami people were being judged because of the roles women play in their society. It is different from what we are use to here in the US but as we know culture isn't universal and shouldn't be looked at as bad, good, better, worst just different. So instead of focusing primarily on one part of these people's culture, maybe you can add some positive things that the women have done or are doing. For example they may be masters at jewelry making, or excellent weavers of beautiful baskets, a particular dance or something else that can add some "but on the bright side" to this article. Lets showcase some of their talents, I feel as if I need there to be something that can shine more of a positive light on the Yanomami Women.Ccaynes11 (talk) 06:29, 2 May 2012 (UTC)

ARTICLE FEEDBACK
Overall, i thought that this article was well written and it grasps the attention of the reader completely. The sections that were spoken about were valid and well illustrated. I found many of the sections particularly interesting, including the section on menstruation and the process girls go through to become women and how that is related to the their adult life. I agree with the previous feedback you have received in saying that though this article is intriguing it has an overall negative tone to it and doesn't illustrate many positive aspect of the Yanomami women. Though some sections seem to lack the ability to add positives into it. Sections such as domestic life may be able to have certain positive added to it to help change the overall feeling of the article. The part on the rituals and ceremonies left me thirsty to know more about their religious beliefs and why they think to everything to have a spirit. Perhaps an addition or extension on religion would be helpful to the readers understanding of the rituals. Other then that i really enjoyed reading this article! Good job! Etiennebarr (talk) 00:26, 18 May 2012 (UTC)