User talk:Brittanym918/sandbox

-Under the category for self identity I would describe what you mean by virgin/whore dichotomy a little bit. Bfromong (talk) 18:21, 26 May 2013 (UTC) - If possible, when you refer to a movie, person and so forth ad [] around that and it will link it to their wiki article if they have one. This would be a good idea for those who might find something in your article that they want to read more about, or clarify something. Bfromong (talk) 18:21, 26 May 2013 (UTC) -Self esteem is a key factor in the life of the self identified stripper.- This seems that it could be a personal opinion.Bfromong (talk) 18:21, 26 May 2013 (UTC)

This article looks great, it has a lot of good information that is organized well. I know it's not finished, but I think my only major critique would be some grammatical restructuring in places and fixing some comma and capitalization placement. For example, "feminist strippers" and "strippers" are capitalized in several places but they're not a proper nouns by themselves. Atvedt (talk) 21:04, 30 May 2013 (UTC)

This article is in pretty good shape, but needs more work before it is ready to publish. I'm a little worried that the citations aren't in there yet, but it looks like you've at least flagged where they will go (most of them). Here are a few additional editorial suggestions:


 * Atvedt above is correct -- feminist strippers should not be capitalized throughout; the f should be capitalized only when it occurs at the beginning of a sentence.
 * The first sentence of the first paragraph could probably be deleted. If not deleted, it should be moved later in the graf and revised, as it seems to attempt a definition of stripper more than feminist stripper.
 * autonomy used by feminist strippers -> autonomy of
 * Citations are missing - rather than list everything here, I've indicated in the essay with bracketed text.
 * Freedom of sexuality in Benefits section requires more explanation - it's not at all clear what is meant.
 * from criticism -> to criticism
 * as: -> as
 * a concerning factor -> a concern
 * Do you have sources for the assertions in the last three paragraphs of Hardships section?
 * Self-Identity section should be deleted - it is synthesis and analysis - not encyclopedic definition. (You may be able to work some of the material into a new section on representation of strippers in film and popular culture -- compare this article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stripper (should also give you some ideas for structuring your article)
 * For 'social structure of strip club' section, unless you have research about feminist strip clubs, perhaps you could just link to relevant section on the Wikipedia stripper page, and concentrate on developing the aspects of your article that are specifically about feminist strippers - the criticism and exploitation sections that follow, and the definition section above. The Noted Feminist Strippers and Memoirs also seem a good addition.

E. Kissling (talk) 22:54, 2 June 2013 (UTC)