User talk:Bsimm1/sandbox

Review from Dan

1)The edit about women in engineering makes it seem like you are trying to convince the reader why there are fewer women in engineering. This is not needed because it is a fact. I thing that this feeling stems mostly from the last sentence "thats why you see fewer women in engineering." 2)I do not see your citations for the information that you are adding. 3)These both feel like summaries of what the corresponding section of the article is about rather than an addition to the information presented. 4)The language is okay I would make sure to read it out loud and check if it feels like a stated fact rather than an opinion.

Review: (Eric Robinson)

1.)The way the edit is worded makes it seem like you are trying to convince the reader. Instead of convincing the reader you should rely on the facts. 2.)There are currently no citations. 3.) not much info added. Add some facts from your sources. 4.) I would revise the language. It seems to be running on in a couple sentences. Erobi2 (talk) 17:28, 1 May 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review Response
With the feed back that I got I see that more need s to be added and that I have to format things better and also add more citations to my work. My work shows a lot of facts and I need to be neutral with my work, I have to make sure that I am not summarizing in my work as well because it seems like I'm just explaining what's happening in the article. I just have to revise and edit everything to make it more clear so people reading this will understand it a lot better. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Bsimm1 (talk • contribs) 17:32, 1 May 2018 (UTC)