User talk:Burner112/sandbox

Group Feedback from Osquaesitor:

General: - As you know, part of this draft required that you make plans for the images you wanted to use. You did a great job here and I'd like for you to keep going. Also, complete or go back to the student training as needed and you can also go here for a very comprehensive how-to and resources on contributing to Wikimedia. https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Help:Contents - This group sandbox is VERY well organized. You will see that this will pay dividends as you continue to add content. -Make sure you add the citations in Wikipedia format. See Azana's section for that. All of your content must now be cited this way. -Integrate into Wikipedia....as some of your peers suggest, start linking other pages as you discuss topics/terms that need definition. All good Wikipedia pages do this. -Some of you state what pages/where you will edits and additions and some of you do not. Please address this in the response to reviews. Specific section comments:

The peer reviews give great feedback and touch on elements that I agree with. My comments above add to those. Osquaesitor (talk) 20:26, 1 April 2018 (UTC)

PEER REVIEWS:

Stingray Review[edit source] 1. The majority of the content is neutral, but I did find some minor phrases that could be improved. When explaining the spiracle, the term "complex" is used and I believe it would be more appropriate to replace it with "more derived" or "highly specialized" in order to implement proper scientific terminology. Also, when discussing the stingray's venom I would refrain from using phrases/words like "what we do know" and "creatures" for the same reasons. 2. Although sources in the venom section and the locomotion section need to be in correct format using footnotes, they are all reliable and come from peer-reviewed scientific journals with accredited status. 3. The draft is a little bit distracting while trying to navigate as there are multiple bibliographies, but I think that's a minor thing that can be easily fixed as the article becomes more developed. I would maybe reorganize the order of topics so at the top you have a general understanding and then get more specific as you scroll down, so put the "Anatomy of stingrays" and the top and then put "locomotion" or "venom" for example. While I was looking at the original Skate (fish) article I would also expand on the topics "reproduction" and "taxonomy." On a side note, the Skate group is also planning on editing reproduction and anatomy so I would collaborate with them as well to achieve a full comprehensive, non-repetitive report for readers. I think that the person doing locomotion could add more topics like the ones offered above as it seems writing about a stingray's movement isn't as extensive as the other topics discussed. Everyone has a proposed idea for pictures that are relevant to their topics.

Peer Review

I really like the information you guys are providing about the sting ray. I couldn't for sure tell what page or new page you guys were planning to add to/create. Maybe clarify this in your sandbox with a sentence or two and a link to the page (or not if you are making a new one) so people can see how it will be integrated into Wikipedia. Another suggestion I had looking at your sandbox was to choose one citation method, such as the number superscripts, so that all of your citations match. I think most of the wiki pages use the superscript numbers so that might be a good idea to work on if you are adding to an existing article.

I think it will be super cool if you add images from your dissection. Our group is hoping to do that too, and Dr. Schutz suggested incorporating dissection pictures with simple drawn diagrams for extra clarity for something like the anatomy section. Maybe you guys could try that!

I noticed in my research looking at the skate (which is similar to the stingray) on wikipedia that there is a page dedicated to the spiracle so maybe you guys could link it somehow to the section you are adding. Also I am looking at a type of locomotion for the skate and the external anatomy in my project, so maybe we could meet up and talk about our sections. I know in the article we are working on there is a section that compares and contrasts skates and stingrays, so maybe we could at least make sure the anatomical comparisons are correct by teaming up and editing that section. I like the idea of making an anatomy section and connecting other peoples sections like the spiracle together!

I just had a couple typos/copy edits:

Venom section: 3rd sentence- *Due (not Do), maybe rearrange wording for an easier read (ex. researchers have struggled to test chemical make up of venom due to mucus contamination). Locomotion section: Last sentence *perform (not preform) Anatomy section: Second paragraph- *strengthened (not strengthen), lack [of] a swim bladder, Last paragraph- *placoid (not placid) maybe? Ana tomy (talk) 00:58, 23 March 2018 (UTC)

--Peer Review--

Looks like a great start! All of the sources are reliable and there seems to be a neutral tone throughout all of your drafts. Some points to consider:

1) Coherency of the anatomy section. Will the entire anatomy of the sting ray be covered? It is a fantastic idea to add this section to the page, but make sure to have clear organization here.  The current facts on the stingray's anatomical structure are very interesting, but they seem to be a little scattered right now.

2)Clarity on pages/sections. Will all of these be added to the existing Stingray page under their own section?  This was unclear in the draft.  It could be possible to put venom and spiracle as subsections under anatomy, and then have locomotion be its own section.

3)Spiracle (as a generic body part) has its own page, so it might be helpful to add a link to this within the section. That way readers can understand the function of it in a general sense as well as how it is specifically used in Stingrays!

I hope the pictures work out for y'all! It would be especially interesting to see a picture or video depicting the locomotion of the Stringray! I found the same typos as the other reviewers. Just a few small things to clean it up. Great job guys! 16:05, 23 March 2018 (UTC)73.19.3.158 (talk) User:CallunaVulgaris

Peer Review Many typos, reread and fix. I found many sentences and words that I thought were unnecessary and didn't add anything to the paper. read through and ask yourself if this sentence or adjective is needed to get the information across. I felt the wording wasn't quite formal enough in a few places. It should read as a series of connected facts, it felt more like a story at times. The locomotion section could use more words describing many of the big words used. It was hard to follow and understand even though it was the right information. Understand the audience. Add links to information that has it. There was only a couple in the whole draft. Figure out how the information is going to tie together and where on the page. Otherwise, pretty good draft, just address these minor issues and sentence structure.Dr.Biology (talk) 05:03, 24 March 2018 (UTC)

Burner112 Peer Review
Venom

Very interesting topic! You have a lot of good information in your draft and only a few minor syntaxes and grammatical errors. Your sources seem sound and are reliable. Overall, I think this will be a good input for the wiki article. Getting a picture of the spine during dissection is a great idea.

“The venom of the stingray has been relatively unstudied at the current moment. '''[Past and present tense is used in the same sentence. A better version would be “At the current moment, the venom of the stingray is relatively unstudied” or alternatively, “The venom of the stingray has been relatively unstudied”.]''' This is because when the venom is released, it also contains mucus from the external layer of the stingray. Do to the mixture of mucus in [the] venom, researchers have struggled when aiming to test the chemical content of only the venom and not have the mucus get contaminate the sample. '''[Sentence reads a little confusing here. “Get contaminate the sample” seems to be missing a word – in the sample? Suggestion: “Testing the chemical content of the venom without contamination from the mucus has been a struggle for researchers”.]''' There has been one study that was successful in separating the mucus and the venom from each other. [You should cite that study here.] What we do know '''[“Current research indicates”, or something similar, should be used instead of “what we do know”. Although in some academic papers it may be appropriate to use first-person pronouns, I believe that it is unnecessary to use them here.]''' is that the venom is produced and stored in the secretory cells of the spine at the mid-distal region (da Silva Jr., N., et. al., 2015). Typically, other venomous creatures have been known to create and store their venom in a separate gland. '''[Interesting information in these last two sentences. I would suggest expanding on the venom storage of stingrays and other venomous creatures. Is stingray venom storage unique?]''' The toxins that have been confirmed to be within the venom are cystatins, peroxiredoxin, and galectin (Baumann, K., et. al., 2014). Galectin induces cell death in its victims and cystatins inhibits defense enzymes. In humans, these toxins lead to increased blood flow in the superficial capillaries and cell death (Dos Santos., et. al., 2017)."

Locomotion

This type of locomotion used by stingrays (and mantas) is called rajiform locomotion. You have a good description of the pectoral undulations that propel stingrays around. I would suggest expanding on this topic. How is the movement quicker or more accurate for benthic organisms? What are the specific muscles used in their undulations? All in all, good sources and well-done!

“The stingray uses Median Paired Fins (MPF) [as] opposed to pure undulations [maybe give an example of a fish that uses caudal fin propulsion, like a tuna] where the caudal fin is the source of locomotion. MPF provides quicker and more accurate movement needed for benthic organisms (Wang, Y., et al., 2015). The wave-like motion is performed by coordinated sequential movements between the pectoral and pelvic fins. The pectoral fins preform an undulation followed by a pelvic fin pull on the benthic floor (Macesic, L., et al., 2013).”

Anatomy

I think creating a section on anatomy is a good idea. Describing the anatomy of the stingray will lead to their spines, which would be a good segway for your teammate's venom contribution. Anatomy, of course, also into in to locomotion neatly. Your sources look good and I am interested to see your results in the dissection – I’ve never seen a stingray jaw and teeth before! You don’t have very many grammatical errors that I noticed in your draft, but I would suggest varying the lengths of your sentences to allow the reader to flow along. Right now, it almost reads like bullet points. Adding some transitions will improve that readability. That being said, you have great information and a strong start to your draft!

“Stingrays are composed of cartilaginous skeletons with portions that are [delete 'are'] strengthen through the process of calcification. [1] The cartilage allows the fish to stay afloat despite its lack a swim bladder. The vertebral column of the stingray is composed of the pre-caudal and caudal vertebrate [vertebrate {singular} or vertebrae {plural}], with the pre-caudal forming first. [2] Stingrays are counter shaded, meaning the dorsal side is darker than the ventral side allowing for the stingray to camouflage with it's [no apostrophe needed here] surroundings whether it is swimming around or at the bottom of the ocean. [3] The mouth of the stingrays are [is should be used here {subject verb disagreement}] located on the ventral side of the animal. The teeth are large, modified placid scales that have the appearance of flat plates [,] which aid in the crushing of hard[-]shelled prey.”

Spiracle

Picture plan seems interesting. I would suggest expanding and talking about the muscles involved in the control of the spiracle, to tie in with your proposed dissection pictures. The paragraph has only minor grammar or syntax errors. Some of the language seems a little informal to me, so I would suggest making it sound a little less so, but other than that – good job!

“The stingrays respiratory is rather complex, as they have two separate ways to take in water to utilize the oxygen. Most of the time stingrays will pull in water using their mouth, which then is sent through the gills for gas exchange. While efficient, they are unable to use their mouth when hunting as they bury themselves in the ocean floor waiting for prey to swim by. This is where their second system comes into play [this beginning seems a little informal], using a dorsal opening on the head called a spiracle, they can draw in [delete 'in'] water directly into their gills for gas exchange[4]. While [Delete ‘while’, start sentence with ‘This’.] this system is less efficient as the spiracle is unable to pull in the same amount of water as the mouth, [however] it is plenty for the stingray to survive on while awaiting its prey.”

Inquisitio scientiae (talk) 05:23, 24 March 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review/Copy Edit #2 - Stingray
Please see my Sandbox for your peer review, as well as the accompanying copy edits. Anāhitā (talk) 06:24, 24 March 2018 (UTC)

Copy pasted by osquaesitor:

Peer Review

 * 1) Neutral Content: This article contains very neutral content. Regarding the venom, make sure you are not writing the article as if you are writing a research article. There is no need to mention studies in which were successful in separating the mucus and the venom, as well as studies that were not successful in separating the mucus and the venom. Regarding the locomotion, further describe median parted fins, or considering linking median paired fins to a currently existing Wikipedia page. Regarding the anatomy of the stingray, make sure that you are currently looking for resources surrounding the jaws/teeth. Although you did mention that the currently existing literature is rather scarce, you will need this information when you move onto the dissection of the stingray. Regarding the spiracle, I would highly suggest linking the spiracle to a currently existing Wikipedia page. This may give readers another perspective on the matter, as well as more information.
 * 2) Reliable Sources: All of the resources appear to be reliable, however you should avoid using primary literature, which does not show a collective overview of the topic at hand. Instead, please considering using review articles. Please make sure that all of your resources are cited in the format of that consistent with Wikipedia. Make sure that your in-text citations are adjusted, as well. Additionally, please ensure that all of your sections have resources, and that you are citing them appropriately (i.e., spiracle).
 * 3) Clear Structure:
 * 4) This draft is very well organized, but is rather hard to follow. Make sure that you are accurately using your references, and that you cite them according to Wikipedia's standards. This would help with the following of the draft.
 * 5) It appears that you will be editing certain sections of the stingray page, but I highly encourage you to explore other domains that are associated with the stingray, which may need revision as well.
 * 6) Sarah will be working on the venom topic. Nathan will be working on the locomotion topic. Azana will be working on the jaws/teeth topic. Derek will be working on the spiracle topic. However, everybody should be contributing equally to the overall anatomy section.
 * 7) There seems to be an even distribution of contribution from all team members.
 * 8) Sarah would like to contribute images of the actual stinger, as well as microscopic images of secretory cells, which hold the venom. This is an excellent idea, and should prevail. Nathan would like to contribute an image which displays the movement of the stingray. I would highly recommend looking for a video, which would better display the "wave-like" movement you are considering. Azana would like to contribute images of the jaw, with the teeth attached. I would highly recommend that you start looking for the images now, that way you have a backup, in the event that you do not obtain the images that you hope for, from the dissection. Derek would like to contribute images of the external anatomy of the stingray, as well as the muscles associated with the function of the spiracle. I would heavily recommend that you look for images on Wikipedia, in addition to taking your own photos. Additionally, I would annotate the images, regardless of whether it is "needed" or not. This will give readers an accurate sense of what you are discussing.
 * 9) Make sure that you are entering all of these aspects (i.e., venom, locomotion, jaws/teeth, spiracle) underneath the general "anatomy" section, and that the topics follow a sequential order.
 * 10) Integration: My team is currently investigating the pharyngeal jaw associated with the moray eel, which is similar to your team's investigation of the jaws/teeth of the stingray. After reading your draft, I think it would be of great use to us to include images of the pharyngeal jaw, taken during our dissection of the moray eel.  — Preceding unsigned comment added by Osquaesitor (talk • contribs) 20:18, 1 April 2018 (UTC)