User talk:Caher80/sandbox

Week 2
Chris, I worry about your performance. Your assignments for this week were deplorable. If you wish to pass this project, you must put in the appropriate time and dedication immediately. See me if you have any questions. Alfgarciamora (talk) 20:01, 30 January 2017 (UTC)

I apologize if it seems like I did not put in sufficient work. I answered the several questions assigned, and evaluated the article that I read based on how I interpreted the instructions. I will do better for next week. Caher80 (talk) 23:47, 30 January 2017 (UTC)

Week 5
I'm glad you've chosen the militant feminism page, but I think your sources are still a bit basic. Remember that your task is to find the BEST sources. You should be turning to academic books, peer-reviewed journals, and other legitimate sources. Three websites that have a ".edu" ending is not sufficient nor acceptable. Alfgarciamora (talk) 14:06, 21 February 2017 (UTC)

General Feedbacks
Women and the Public Sphere in the Age of the French Revolution

"Although women failed to achieve political emancipation, the Revolution bequeathed them a moral identity and a political constitution (Landes 13). I KNOW THIS IS JUST A DRAFT, BUT FOR YOUR ACTUAL EDITING, PLEASE MAKE SURE NOT TO USE DIRECT QUOTES; PARAPHRASE INSTEAD.

Through protests and an all around effort by most of the women in France, they gave themselves a voice, and made it known that they wanted more than to only be depended on at home.

'''I THINK YOU CAN CHANGE THIS UP A BIT, SUCH AS... MANY WOMEN IN FRANCE FOUGHT FOR FREEDOM OF SPEECH (AND EQUALITY) THROUGH PROTESTS; THEY WANTED POLITICAL INFLUENCE AND MORE OF THE PUBLIC LIFE THAN JUST BEING HOUSEWIVES. YOU CAN ALSO REFERENCE AN EXAMPLE...WOMEN DEMANDING FOR THE KING TO RETURN TO FRANCE, WHICH SHOWED THAT THEY HAVE SOME POWER IN FRANCE.''' Women and the Limits of Citizenship in the French Revolution

On October 5, over eight hundred women overtook the Hotel de Ville. They burned all the papers and files that they found because the women felt that none of those papers had any benefit towards their rights as French citizens. They also searched the hotel for arms and ammunition, but had no luck finding ammunition. Although they did not find ammunition, they found pikes, and two cannons which they took with them. After the women left the Hotel de Ville, Lafayette's national guard got involved to avoid more protests from the women. '''I DON'T THINK THE "TONE" IS VERY ENCYCLOPEDIC. THE WORD "BECAUSE" SHOULD NOT BE USED. '''

Deviant Women of the French Revolution and the Rise of Feminism

Doctors and scientists during this era played a significant role in the way society viewed women. Many doctors hypothesized that women could not partake in politics and other aspects of the government because their physiology and anatomy was so different than the physiology and anatomy of men. "Anatomists, anthropologists, natural historians, working under the banner of scientific neutrality, declared that, by nature people with compressed crania were incapable of pursuing academic science" (Nature's Body 7). This quote from Nature's Body is referring to women. This quote was quoted in the book, Deviant Women of the French Revolution and the Rise of Feminism. '''AGAIN, DON'T USE DIRECT QUOTATION. BUT I THINK THIS PARAGRAPH HAS VERY GOOD INFORMATION THAT COULD BENEFIT YOUR ARTICLE. :)'''

French Feminism in the 19th Century

Although most people in society believed that women should not partake in politics and should stay at home and raise the children, some women actually did play an important role in politics. This is not focusing on the protests that many women in France were a part of. Those protests did play a huge role in shaping the political scene in France during the Revolution. During the French Revolution, women were able to write and PUBLISH political journals. The Tribune des femmes and Foi nouvelle: Livre des actes were political journals that were mainly written and published by women. The companies that published these journals had to pay a stamp tax that was only needed when a political journal was being published, therefore, making these two journals political. After, the Gazette des femmes was published, the government stepped in and banned women's ability to publish daily political journals specifically. '''I KNOW YOU HAVE REFERENCES AT THE END, YOU SHOULD BE CITING AFTER THE PARAPHRASED SENTENCE. JUST LIKE IN A TYPICAL ESSAY... BLAH BLAH BLAH (CITATION).'''

'''OVERALL, I THINK YOU HAVE A VERY INTERESTING TOPIC THAT COULD REALLY HELP YOU PLAY YOUR CHARACTER WELL IN THE GAME. JUST FIX YOUR SOURCES AND SENTENCING SO THAT IT IS COMPATIBLE WITH WIKIPEDIA'S STYLE. PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE TIME REVIEW MY ARTICLE. THANKS. ThienHuynhFIU (talk) 01:17, 27 February 2017 (UTC) '''

Thank you for the feedback Thien. I looked over what you thought I should change and made the necessary corrections. I removed the quoted citations and paraphrased those sentences. I also looked over the structure of the sentences and changed the structure to better fit the encyclopedic type of tone that articles should have on Wikipedia. I also added some additional information relating to the topic that I chose that I am planning to add to the article. I appreciate the feedback and will continue editing my article to make sure it turns out as good as possible. Caher80 (talk) 23:21, 5 March 2017 (UTC)

Week 8
You've really impressed me with your additions, !!! Well done with all of it! I think that the militant feminism page will be all the better for your additions. One thing I would like for you to do now that you're done with the research and writing is to go back over your work and make it read more encyclopedic. Have somebody in class read over your work to see what they think. Or maybe take a look at other Wiki pages that are polished to see what they look like. You have done an excellent job up to now - now it's time just to flesh out the wrinkles! Alfgarciamora (talk) 17:27, 20 March 2017 (UTC)