User talk:CalUser777/The Politics and Economics of Somalian Warlords

Philip's Peer Review
I think your first sentence does a great job of setting the background and beginning the article—it concisely and clearly describes what the issue with Somalian warlords is. Information is presented in a clear manner, and I really liked how your information unfolded smoothly beginning with your first sentence as an establishment. Specific details about humanitarian intervention undertook by the United Nations and the United States were presented well with specific numbers and detail. Overall, your work was easy to read while successfully conveying accurate, detailed information.

I thought your paragraph was well-organized as it was easily read. I would consider dividing the later parts of the "Black Hawk Down" part into a separate section as it reads a little long, especially when it gets to the part about its aftermath—I thought the structure was perfectly fine as it is, so I wouldn't say this edit is a priority or necessity.

With regards to the neutrality of the article, certain parts of the paragraph sounded a bit biased against the Somalian warlords. Though I certainly understand that the Somalian warlords' actions are very culpable, use of words/phrases such as "misery," "avarice," "the world watched in horror," "horrific tragedy" sounded a bit too critical of what you are writing about. I believe the fact that the UN and the U.S. perceived the events in Somalia a humanitarian crisis implies the extent of violence and horror that the Somalian warlords are responsible for, so I suggest re-wording/re-phrasing such parts.

In terms of references and reliable sources: both citations work properly as I was successfully redirected to Britannica and History.com. I believe the information is presented in a clear and accurate way while avoiding being too similar to your sources. I would suggest adding more academic/scholarly articles as your references as well.

=Mark's peer review= Good job on the writing. The draft is concise and informative, yet descriptive.

I think there are several points you can expand on, such as: who are the warlords, like were they the most respected in tribes or was it just luck that enabled them to gain power; how does warlord territory control work, is it by cities, tribes, resources; are there any efforts to take control back or mobilizing the central government; any other interventions by neighboring states or other countries?

I think you could provide more specificity on the following: "misery" (first paragraph) what does this mean, specifically; being cautious of using the word "world" to generalize a reaction or feeling.

Regarding structure, it would really be helpful there were more sections, such as background, state response, warlords, etc. Furthermore, please try to cite a source after a strong claim.

As a reader, I would appreciate if you could talk about whether there is conflict between warlords and any figures on civilian deaths.

Bot.mod22 (talk) 01:58, 4 April 2022 (UTC)

Nathan's Response to Phillip's Peer Review
Thank you for this information. I will definitely address your suggestions.

CalUser777 (talk) 06:09, 10 April 2022 (UTC)

Nathan's Response to Mark's Peer Review
Thank you for your comments. I will definitely keep in mind and address your ideas.

CalUser777 (talk) 06:10, 10 April 2022 (UTC)