User talk:Carla.White/sandbox

Hiiii Carla,

Here are some notes and edits for your blast injury additions!

Overall, I’d say you did great on presenting unbiased information in a straightforward manner. There were a couple places I felt you were falling into jargon, but they’re easily fixed by just defining the terms as you go (noted below).

Sidenote, good job with your affect and effect. I think you got them all right!

In the first section you added, you have, “…exposed to a blast can developed a sensorineural hearing loss.” Get rid of that -ed ;)

Something you might consider is giving a brief couple of words just defining the hair cells, or linking to their page. I think that just reading the term hair cells amidst all this ear stuff could be a place of confusion for someone unfamiliar with the auditory system.

Some wordiness in this sentence: “Common complaints that have been reported include hearing loss, tinnitus, headache, and vertigo (dizziness).” I’d suggest: “Common reported complaints include hearing loss, tinnitus, headache, and vertigo (dizziness).”

Further down, the first time you mention tympanic membrane, I’d add eardrum in parenthesis.

In your last paragraph: “Current treatment methods aim to improve…” Are you referring to treatment methods for blast injury as a whole or for the hearing loss induced by blast injury? I felt like that could be more specific/elaborated on.

Part of me wants you to move the few sentences about military related blast injury into their own paragraph, but then you’d have two baby paragraphs. Maybe play with that—see if you can bulk one up, or shuffle things a little. I like the idea of the article ending on the treatment options and the stuff about active duty blast injury preceding it, as well.

And then you can pick and choose where you want to link things in your article. I think you have a lot of good places you could add links.

Woohoo! Let me know if you have questions about anything I wrote

Huba1080 (talk) 22:53, 2 November 2017 (UTC)