User talk:Carmela055/sandbox

Peer Review by K. Nguyen
Ready to go into the article:

Your first sentence does not tell me what you will be talking about in the rest of your paragraph. Try to be as clear and concise as possible. the first two sentences is a bit wordy and can be rewritten to convey your message more clearly. You mentioned a study by Cook and Hoas, but did not explain what the point they were trying to make. Try expanding this and then connect it to the overall message you are trying to convey. Your tone is neutral and you have the information, but you need to cite more sources and incorporate them more into what you are writing to. reading this, I feel like there are some holes in terms of information, but I dont know if it's because you have not finish adding information or another reason. Overall really good start and keep on going!


 * Hi, thank you for taking a look at what I had in my talk page! Sorry there probably wasn't much for you to read through when you first did the peer review, I was working on the actual text in a google doc. I have added a few more things if you did want to go back in and look. It's still a work in progress in the google doc. And I'm still planning on incorporating more sources! But again thank you for the suggestions, I'll keep them in mind, especially the comment about being more concise! An area where I tend to struggle. Carmela055 (talk) 05:23, 5 April 2019 (UTC)