User talk:Cbkerr/sandbox

The edits are well worded and well researched. I would note to just add some citations in the paragraph to cite where you found this information. Also, in the third sentence of the biography paragraph the original page misspelled the word "career". That would be something I would look to edit in the future to help improve the article. I would also maybe spread out the material through the biography section so that the flow is easier to follow. You could maybe divide his biography into individual sections. These sections could be early life, futbol career and then post-futbol life. (Or you can come up with your own sections) This might help with the overall flow of the article so that it's not so much information mixed together randomly. Just a thought :) This is a great start though!! Mbmcginn (talk) 17:14, 8 March 2019 (UTC)

Brock Wrigley: The second paragraph in the biography seems like it jumped away from the point that was just made about the struggles he faced being mixed race in a completely white-dominated sport. could just be me, but it seems like there could be one more sentence connecting the two paragraphs. so maybe you could create a new section about his early life and instead of an overarching biography. reread your personal life section in your sandbox I think there are a few grammar mistakes, just check before publishing. the controversy in the number of goals section is really messy. the sentences just seem like they could be rewritten more smoothly. Bvwrigle (talk) 16:50, 15 March 2019 (UTC)