User talk:Cciotti22/sandbox

Peer Review - Nikita Iyer
Hi Chloe! It was great to meet you again in class today! I actually really liked your Area article write-up about East Oakland. After reading your article, I was able to learn so much about the history and demographics of East Oakland, which is also my Area focus! I thought some of the important things I noted down were to avoid using a lot of bias phrases that might stray from the encyclopedic tone we are supposed to keep throughout our additions and edits on Wikipedia. Also, I think there were some areas that could be enhanced with some statistics. One thing to also note is that since your first section is super long and covers a lot of different topics throughout, it would be more beneficial to possibly break each topic into subsections within the History section, in order to make it more clear and organized to the reader when you are switching topics. Furthermore, I was curious about one particular topic that we discussed earlier and that was the capitalization of "Blacks" when using it in your writing. In some places, you capitalize black to refer to African Americans, however in some cases you don't. Do you think this has an effect on how Blacks are perceived in your writing and how your reader might also perceive this article and possibly Blacks in general? Finally, I wanted to note some aspects of your Food and Liquor Stores section of your writing. I was particularly interested with some of the facts you had mentioned about East Oakland, and I was wondering if it was possible to find some sort of demographics regarding the food stores available in different areas in East Oakland, and how that might influence people's nutritional decisions as well as health conditions. More statistics on these health-related outcomes to nutrition might also help emphasize their correlation. I thought your sectors section was particularly useful. Although I didn't get a chance to read it during class today since we ran out of time, I am sure that you are on the right track!

Peer Review - Ragini Ghosh
Hey Chloe! I really enjoyed reading your Area article in class and since my knowledge of food deserts is very limited, I learnt a lot about the issue of food insecurity in East Oakland. Your sections on Nutrition, Processed Foods, and Alcohol were well written with many statistics on the standards of nutrition and public health, which helped me as a reader to have background knowledge on the scientific aspect of food security and availability. I especially liked how you contextualized the section on Alcohol to East Oakland, by writing about the number of liquor stores and alcohol-related health problems in the area. I was wondering if you could do the same for the section on Nutrition and Processed Foods as well, in terms of writing about the nutritional requirements for individuals, and then finding data on the nutritional intake and consumption of processed foods in the food desert of East Oakland? This might help the reader to compare how patterns of food consumption, access and availability in food deserts vary from the actual standards set by organizations like the USDA? I think that was the main thing that stood out to me in your article, but otherwise it looks great!

RaginiGhosh (talk) 00:59, 17 March 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review / Rachelle Deguzman
Hi Chloe! It was nice meeting you on Wednesday. Unfortunately, I was only able to read the Area article since time was limited. But from what I read, I really did enjoy it. I definitely learned a lot about East Oakland's history. I really enjoyed how linear you made history flow despite how different the sections were. Despite this, I really think breaking down sections would improve your article. For example, creating a section specifically on how migration to Oakland started, Oakland during WWII, and the history of the Housing Crisis. Also, I wish you broke down what each acronym stood for. For example, EDA. Maybe you could use the full name when you first use it in your draft but then change it to the acronym when you refer to it later. — Preceding unsigned comment added by R.dgzmn (talk • contribs) 05:06, 17 March 2018 (UTC)