User talk:Charlesjgao/New sandbox

First Paragraph: - Avoid pronouns "he had made a couple of accidental discoveries." Refer to who you are speaking about.

Owen Paragraph: - Watch out for typos. Your last sentence, you misspelled Owen.

It was great that you mentioned the historical inaccuracies.

- The syntax could use some work. One example: In your cultural significance section, your first sentence could be made into two sentences, or rephrased. The words, "in writing that..." does not flow. - When talking about history, use the past tense. - The summary of the play was very good. I understood what the play was about and I understood the context of the play through a historical perspective.

BrigitaEhr (talk) 20:25, 14 October 2018 (UTC)

Hi

I really like addition of a section on Friel's influences, but think you could find a snappier title. You need a brief clarifying clause to explain what A Paper Landscape is. And refs/links are needed for this section also.

At the moment your draft is over-reliant on the argument of the academic source on A Paper Landscape, but this will likely change as you read more to work towards the final.

The cultural significance section is off to a good start, but it needs a little more research to represent the variety of culturally significant themes explored in this play. is going to draft a section on language, which I think should be very useful, so perhaps the two of you could have a chat about how your proposed developments will sit together structurally and thematically?

I'd also ask you to consider how the addition of a section on Owen alone affects the neutrality of the article. Yes, Kiberd has argued that he's the most complex character, but other readers might come to a different conclusion. Perhaps Diana might work up a section on one or more of the other characters based on some other scholarship in order to represent a variety of viewpoints here?

It is not Owen who recites the Aeneid at the end of the play, it is his father, Hugh.

This is looking really promising, and I am excited to see the work up on the site by the end of term! EmerOToole (talk) 18:20, 18 October 2018 (UTC)

Hi

Just a note to remind you to start working the feedback above into the material in your sandbox. Remember that this is a graded part of the assignment. Please finish it by the end of the week, as it is significantly overdue. Failure to do so will affect your grade EmerOToole (talk) 18:41, 8 November 2018 (UTC)

Hi Charles,

This is looking great. Wonderful addition on the significance of Derry. Impressive section on inspirations. I really like the section on critique too. You can start moving this to the main Wikipedia now. Tag me when this is done, although I don't foresee any other major edits being necessary.

A few notes on the character list - you might like to indicate that Owen and Manus are Hugh's sons and that Manus is a scholar. I think "Manus tries to teach Sarah to speak" is better than "Manus tries to teach Sarah to speak Irish," as the latter sort of implies that she already knows how to speak a different language.

Great work! You are very nearly done with this assignment!EmerOToole (talk) 02:43, 21 November 2018 (UTC)