User talk:Cistine/Walter Rhodes

Need assistance reviewing content to assess suitability for Wikipedia publishing

(Cistine (talk) 12:30, 19 June 2009 (UTC))


 * Hi, Cistine. At the moment, it reads like a corporate press release rather than an article. I recommend you begin by going through it and removing 99% of the references to Dr Darren Ng.  (You can say he's the boss, but the article's not about him, it's about the organisation.  If he's notable in his own right, then write about him in a separate article.) The lead paragraph needs to begin: "Walter Rhodes is a Malaysian corporation founded in 2006" and then immediately give a direct quote from The Right Honourable Dato' Seri Dr. Zambry Abd. Kadir that explains why this organisation is notable according to Wikipedia's guidelines.  Give the source for the quote in a reference so that people can look it up for themselves. Then remove at least 90% of the adjectives, and every single instance of corporate jargon, such as "methodology", "implements", "enhance" in conjunction with "value" and "status", "investment haven", "outsourcing", "outline" as a verb, "streamline", "operational enhancement", etc. Hope this helps!— S Marshall   Talk / Cont  21:05, 20 June 2009 (UTC)


 * Hi S Marshall, thanks a lot for the pointers. I've done the editing according to your comments, but I cannot find any direct quotes from The Right Honourable Dato' Seri Zambry about the company. In the future if I can find one, I'll incorporate it into the lead paragraph. For now, do you think the article is good enough to publish? Thanks.

(Cistine (talk) 05:19, 22 June 2009 (UTC))