User talk:Claireasmith619/sandbox

Hey guys! Overall grat job. Here are some edits and positive we took note of... Peer Edits Negatives:

1. Grammar- Under “Accomplishments,” the grammar is a bit shaky with regards to quoting/italicizing books and texts by May. Make sure that there is consistency throughout the entire article. Also, the tense is sometimes questionable throughout the paper. It might make more sense to say “He experienced a difficult childhood when his parents divorced and his sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia” rather than “He experienced a difficult childhood, with his parents divorcing and his sister developing schizophrenia.” Go through the Biography, Accomplishments, and Perspective on Love sections and rearrange some of the sentences so the paper sounds better.

2. Word Choice- Some sentences are rather repetitive with the word choice, which takes away from the flow of the statements and makes some of them rather confusing. It would be better to use synonyms and switch up the sentences.

ex. “The Meaning of Anxiety was Rollo May's first book and was based on his doctoral dissertation, which in turn was based on his reading of the 19th century philosopher Søren Kierkegaard” ex. “He explained how existentialism is not just a varied form of Freudianism in the books, as well as explaining what the many concepts of existential psychology covers.

3.Add Existential Psychology description- Although your group did hyperlink to existential psychology, we think that it would add more meaning to the article if you included a brief synopsis of the main tenets of the psychological theory. This would allow for more fluidity in the article as the readers would be better able to understand the whole concept and importance of Rollo May.

Positive Reviews:

1. I feel that you both did an excellent job in defining May’s various stages of development ranging from innocence up to creative. I think it is extremely important (as you accomplished) in differentiating that these stages are not concrete “stepping stones” that one must accomplish before moving on to the next one. I believe that one of May’s largest accomplishments was the ability to apply each stage towards all ages of development distinguishing individuals as complex in nature.

2. I must also applaud the amount of references that were incorporated into the wiki article. With 14 sources, I think you were able to gather a substantial amount of information. Since you have already located this amount of resources, it is clear that you both have done your research and have a very solid background to work with for Rollo May. I would definitely focus on his books as the central source, and like you have already done, add a few more quotes to strengthen the arguments.

3. Finally, I find that the connections to other theorists effectively enhances the discussion of May within your wiki article. First, I like how you mentioned Paul Tilich as his views on Christian existentialism and theology appeared to undeniably influence May’s work. Second, in an effort to show how May was also influenced by American Humanism, wishing to combine various areas of existentialism, the article successful note’s (with concrete evidence) how Freud and Rank’s influence manifested within May’s perspective. On a final note, I like how you established Kierkegaard’s role in the creation of May’s first work The Meaning of Anxiety. As a Danish philosopher who predominantly criticized ideas of organized religion, morality, and ethics, Kierkegaard embodies one of the original creators of existentialism. This particular connection within the article represents how May was successfully able to take both traditional and atypical perspectives throughout his various works. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Amodiok (talk • contribs) 19:28, 19 November 2012 (UTC)

Great job! Katie and Sam