User talk:Classicaldisappointmentuno/SandboxDraft

=Instructor Feedback on Draft/Peer Review 2=

Rmac5 thanks for this clear and helpful review. It's clear you went through your peer's work carefully and provided good feedback with regard to content, grammar, and style. Great job! Grade: 15/15

Classicaldisappointmentuno thanks for your quick response to your reviewer's work, but remember I also wanted you to make some changes right away (spelling, grammar, etc.) so please do that ASAP. Then you can tackle the larger changes your reviewer suggested. Make sure you go through their feedback carefully, making all the changes, since they put a lot of time into helping you improve your article. In general, the biggest problem right now is the clarity of the sentences and the organization of the content, but once you go through their edits you'll be in a better place to continue to add content. The last line of the first paragraph of the 'introduction' sentence has one quotation mark in it - is this a direct quote or not? And in the sentence "The first dedicated to the public, this focuses on dramatical plays,..." - watch your tenses, grammar, and edit for clarity: "The first was public celebration, which encompassed dramatic plays and competition..." or something to that effect. Also, I still don't see any primary references to Livy's passages. Looking forward to seeing you add more info on the scandal and different perspectives. Keep at it! Grade: 12/15 Gardneca (talk) 17:06, 24 March 2020 (UTC)

=Instructor Feedback on Draft/Peer Review 1=

Classicaldisappointmentuno your peer review can be found on this page, please feel free to copy and paste the review here if you prefer. Your reviewer is very positive in their review, but there are a few areas that I'd like you to work on, in addition to their suggestions for adding a lot more information, considering the language around the sentate & bacchanalia, and re-thinking whether the section on 'modern usage' should be expanded or removed entirely. So, your first sentence ('The Roman Senate was threatened by the Bacchanalia because they believed it was designed to rebel against their political views') needs a citation, and should be expanded. The sentence ' Livy's dedication to the Bacchanalia scandal was to exemplify the aspect of elders of Roman society which led to the anarchy way of life centuries later' needs to be rewritten for clarity. Under background and development, 'The first dedicated to the public and the second belonging to the sexual frenzy and unpolitical cult.' needs to be rephrased and/or expanded because it doesn't quite make sense. In the same section, the sentence that begins ' Livy describes the Bacchanalia as...' needs to be cited, and everywhere you cite Livy should have a primary reference (you can keep the secondary source too). Overall, good work, but lots more content needs to be added to this page, so this will be your challenge for the next draft (but you know this already!). Grade: 14/20. Gardneca (talk) 00:05, 6 March 2020 (UTC)