User talk:Claymeg18

Welcome!
Hello, Claymeg18, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:43, 5 October 2020 (UTC)

Welcome!
Greetings and welcome (again!) to both Wikipedia and to COM482!

Looks like there was a little confusion. It seems that you created a new article called Immersive Design (capitalized) which was a copy of the Immersive design (lowercase) in your attempt to create a sandbox. Because this was in your "user" space, another Wikipedian then turned into a redirect. You can see the history here.

Although I see you are basically working from scratch, I think it's still probably worth creating a sandbox with the old article content. The existing article has quite a lot of text but, as you can see, it appears to have a lot of issues. I think that a major contribution will involve just cleaning up the material that is there.

If you want to work this out, we should schedule a time and/or you should come to office hours and we can do this together. — m a k o ๛  18:38, 19 October 2020 (UTC)

Feedback on your draft
Greetings ! I'm sorry you didn't get feedback on User:Claymeg18/Immersive design from any of your classmates.

In any case, I think you article is off to a great start. You've added tons of information, a bunch of good references, and the article is 'much better shape than it was before. Hooray! I love the images and so on.

Most of my advice is just about cleaning things up. In particular:


 * I think that references are supposed to be at the end of sentences. Check the manual of style to be sure.
 * The "characteristics" sections doesn't have references. I'd either add those references and/or delete the text, and/or mark it as a needing a reference if you can't find a good one.
 * Watch for phrases like "many in the industry believe" that don't specify who believe things.
 * There's some funky stuff going with the references (e.g., see the [1] in the references).

I realize you inherited most of these issues but fixing these is up is part of making the article better.

Anyway, once you've done a final pass to clean up some of this stuff, please go ahead and move your changes over into the live version. I think with another pass, you'll be in really great shape! This is great work and a big improvement. — m a k o ๛  03:23, 2 November 2020 (UTC)