User talk:Cleo120/sandbox/Ra

I think you can delete the part in your first sentence("as we see in other mythologies") because that implies the reader has knowledge about other mythologies.Blazingstar24 (talk) 00:21, 15 April 2019 (UTC)

I was confused about where these two paragraphs were going to be added in since they cover a range of topics. So a lot of the info seems disjointed. Ex: you were talking about how pharaohs are considered to be Ra then talk about how Ra is portrayed as a falcon.Blazingstar24 (talk) 00:21, 15 April 2019 (UTC)

"Since Ra is a creator god he created himself before being combined with other gods such as Horus and Atum." This sentence seems like a rewrite of "As with most widely worshiped Egyptian deities, Ra's identity was often combined with other gods, forming an interconnection between deities." You can get rid of that sentence since the original wiki page already covered it.Blazingstar24 (talk) 00:21, 15 April 2019 (UTC)

"meaning "Ra, who is Horus of the Two Horizons"" This info was also already covered by the original wiki page.Blazingstar24 (talk) 00:21, 15 April 2019 (UTC)

When you talk about Bastet, Hathor, and Sekhmet, you can link to their Wikipedia pages with their name. Like on the original wiki page, their names are blue and bold which takes you to their page so you don't have to cite the wiki page.

"Ra was believed to have created all forms of life by calling them into existence by uttering their secret names. In some accounts humans were created from Ra's tears and sweat, hence the Egyptians call themselves the Cattle of Ra. In the myth of the Celestial Cow it is recounted how mankind plotted against Ra and how he sent his eye as the goddess Sekhmet to punish them. Extensions of Ra's power were often shown as the eye of Ra, which were the female versions of the sun god." Where did you get this info? You need citations for this info.Blazingstar24 (talk) 00:21, 15 April 2019 (UTC)

"Sekhmet was the Eye of Ra and was created by the fire in Ra's eye. She was violent and sent to slaughter the people who betrayed Ra, but when calm she became the more kind and forgiving goddess Hathor" This is already mentioned in the religious roles sun part on the original wiki page. I'm not sure if this was meant to be a rewrite, but it is really similar to the original sentence.Blazingstar24 (talk) 00:21, 15 April 2019 (UTC)

A lot of this info was already mentioned in the original wiki page. Which isn't bad, but the rewritten version is still very similar to the original sentences. Since I wasn't sure if these were new paragraphs you wanted to add or a compilation of rewritten sentences, it may come off as redundant if you were writing new paragraphs but the sentences were too similar. Perhaps look into more info on what is already there?Blazingstar24 (talk) 00:21, 15 April 2019 (UTC)


 * Blazingstar24 thank you for your very comprehensive and well-organized review. Cleo120 as is rightly pointed out in your peer review, there is a LOT of information in your sandbox that is directly from the existing Wikipedia article, and it's not clear at all how that is going to fit into the entry. While the original Ra page certainly needs some work, it is listed as a C-class article and has a lot of people interested in it, so you don't want to come in and re-invent the wheel. You should carefully read through the original page (and talk page) and figure out a concrete action plan going forward: what needs to be improved? How can you realistically improve this page given the time you have left? You certainly aren't going to be able to re-write the entire entry, nor do you need to - much of the information on the page is good, it just needs to be expanded and cited properly. Remember, you're not creating something entirely new, you are improving what is already there. Keep that in mind and work out a plan for the next few weeks, because there is a lot of work ahead! Gardneca (talk) 02:05, 20 April 2019 (UTC)