User talk:Cnahin/sandbox

TA Danae's Peer-Review
Carly, I like that you've added significant content to this entry on James Spuhler. Your contributions to this entry will surely help anyone looking for information on him in the future and you’ve clearly filled a gap in the encyclopedic database. Very good "neutral" tone. Great job!!

The separate sections or paragraphs you’ve made are great and easy to read through. Great organization. However, these sections don’t appear to have headers. I would add a header title to each relevant section. This can be done with the editing tool.

Again, I like all the content you added! I noticed that his controversial work with IQ doesn’t have a date reference. It would really help to have a few dates added in for clarity, like “In the 1980s…” or “in the late 1950s…” etc.

On grammar, overall word choice is great and straight forward, perfect for an encyclopedia entry! I noticed some mistakes in terms of punctuation and use of adjectives. For example, the sentence: "He started at the university on a football scholarship but gave up his scholarship to focus on his education," has an error. There should be a comma between "scholarship" and "but gave up...". Or the sentence, "While in China he served as a Naval officer and learned to speak some Chinese and some Japanese," the second "some" in front of Japanese is unnecessary. I would suggest carefully reading over this entry again, looking at grammar, word choice and cleaning up awkward sentences.

Also, when speaking about scholars (i.e. people with PhDs), after you’ve introduced their full name, it is common practice to use the last name instead of “James”. He should be referenced as “Spuhler.”

Finally, you did a good job finding sources that are published in scholarly journals. I would add one more citation that is not a media-press type obituary. Something like a book or article he has written could work, should be easy to find on google scholar.

Overall, excellent job on this entry and adding content! Dkhora (talk) 05:57, 16 May 2020 (UTC)