User talk:Coconutpizza/sandbox

Comments on Korea's Astronomy
General comments

I think the article is very informative and provides lots of details about the history and current state of Korean astronomy. Citations are missing and I assume they will be inserted in the future.

There are some grammatical issues throughout the document. For example, the history section should use past tense to describe how the past dynasties made observations. There are also some subject-verb agreement errors (Sundial clock or water clock are other historical artifacts that represent Korean astronomy). You may want to pass it through a grammar checker to help fix most of these small errors.

The flow of the article as a whole is good. A chronological structure from historical events to today's astronomy education is logical and easy to follow. However, the structure within each section feels like a number of facts strung together and seems disjointed. I suggest starting each section with an overview of what is going on in the section before diving into the specifics (which can also be in chronological order)

Links to other pages can be added so that readers know where to go to look for more information (see some of the links below)

I think the title "Korean Astronomy" would better fit the article.

Introduction

A good overview of both the historical and contemporary aspects of Korean astronomy. Some of the specifics like the innovations of ancient Korean astronomers can left out by linking them to the relevant wikipedia articles (e.g. Cheomseongdae, Cheonsang Yeolcha Bunyajido etc.)

History of Korean Astronomy

The number of observations for the different time periods is very informative. It can be further developed if there are sources describing what these observations where and even how they relate to other astronomical observations made in other areas around the world in the same time period.

The section on Samhan is missing an overview and jumps straight into the details without explaining what Samhan refers to and any background knowledge that is necessary to understand the context of the astronomical innovations and observations made during the time period.

(Sundial clock or water clock are other historical artifacts that represent Korean astronomy. These were used to interpret the season of the year or measure rainfall.) Without context for when these were invented or how they were used, this fact feels out of place in the Samhan section.

(During the Goryeo Dynasty, records show that 20 observations of a potential supernova, and 67 observations of the comet.) What is "the comet" referring to in this case? If it is a specific comet with a name, linking it here would be great. If not, then I think that "67 comet observations" might be better in order to inform the reader that these are general observations of comets.

For the Joseon Dynasty section, there are a lot of names (which can and should be linked if they have wikipedia pages) without explanation. An example is (At that time, Lee Soon-ji and Kim Dam worked for the office. Meanwhile, Icheon and Jang Yeong-sil were mainly in charge of producing astronomical instruments.) A reader without knowledge of Korean history would not know who these people were and what they did for Korean astronomy. This can be improved by providing a their role in society at the time and how their role relates to the other people mentioned in the article. This would bring great depth into the article.

In general, the number of events that occured in Korean history that affected its development of astronomy warrants greater details about the specifics (e.g how and when did the Japanese invasions destroy the astronomical instruments).

Contemporary Korean Astronomy

(Korea's education in astronomy is becoming more diversified as astronomy is developing.) This statement feels unjustified on its own. I believe it can still work if you are able to bring up details about how contemporary Korean astronomy education developed (e.g. post-WW2 to modern day) in chronological order so that the reader can see how

Describing the different universities in Korea that provide astronomy education is great! However, the details on what each course requires feels out of scope for this article and I feel that it is better left as a reference to the university website.

If there are education events / competitions organised by the universities (or by the astronomical institutions mentioned later), they can be included as well as they constitute an important part of Korean astronomy education.

Astronomical Institutions

(There are many ongoing research in astronomy through KASI: Galactic Evolution Group,) I assume that this list is incomplete and that more will be added later. Also the grammar here is a little strange, I would rephrase it as "KASI oversees multiple astronomical research groups such as ..."

The KASI Galactic Evolution Group has a lot of potential for links to other wikipedia pages on related content, and the section is quite well written on its own.

(astronomical big data analysis techniques and Machine Learning to automate the process of data analyzation) I don't see a reason for Machine Learning to be capitalized. "the process of data analayzation" is a strange phrase and I think it can be replaced by "data analysis"

Observatories:

Since you have mentioned that observatories in museums are primarily for educational purposes and not astronomical research, I think it would be good to provide examples of such observatories. Programs that are run by these museums can also be incorporated to explain how these observatories achieve their purpose of educating Koreans about astronomy.

Titles for Soebaksan Observatory and Bohyunsan Observatory can be standardized (currently they are of different heading types) Sobaeksan National Park can be linked to here: Sobaeksan National Park. You can link the Bohyunsan Observatory to this page: List of asteroid-discovering observatories. Location details can be omitted from the page as theor length disrupts the flow of the article.

Yeongcheon Bohyeon Mountain Astronomy Science Museum and Bohyeonsan Astronomical Science Museum are under the Bohyunsan Optical Astronomy Observatory section for some reason. I think they can form their own section (see above comment about educational observatories)

The formatting for the lists in both observatory sections can be improved by using the lists provided by the wikipedia editor Bunnolzl (talk) 16:12, 1 November 2023 (UTC)

Review of article: Korea's astronomy
Contemporary Korean Astronomy: Astronomy Education: 'more diversified' may sound opinionated since it is subjective.

In the section about dynasties, I feel that the article switches a bit from talking about observatories to astronomical instruments or calendars, and then switches back after the section. I would like to suggest marking this change with possibly an introductory statement. The structure in the observatories section is slightly unclear, with multiple aspects of each observatory being mentioned. It could be easier to read and understand by breaking each observatory up into astronomical and extracurricular activities separately.

I liked the amount of information and the detail given to each of the observatories, and think that the article gives a good reference for astronomy in Korea. Saina05 (talk) 01:32, 6 November 2023 (UTC)