User talk:Conradbaer/sandbox2

Selena's Peer Review
Conrad!

This Wiki Article is awesome first off. Deaf Gain is a concept that I have never heard of, and your article provided a good explanation for me. The article looks like it is really starting to shape up. A couple of suggestions I would have for you are:

1) Make a connection between Deaf Gain and the Deaf Space project in the intro paragraph. The relation might be clear to the Deaf population or students taking Deaf Studies classes, but those who have not taken ASL or Deaf Culture classes before might not understand the importance or relevance of the Deaf Space project. OR maybe the DeafSpace Project should have its own Wiki Page if there is no direct connection between Deaf Gain and DeafSpace.

2) I know this is probably a problem most of us are struggling with, but it seems that only a few of your sources are from journals/encyclopedias/reliable sources. I am sure that the Youtube videos are great, but do not know if that would count as a solid reliable source.

I hope that this helps a little, overall I really enjoyed reading this article.

Selena Selenah (talk) 19:50, 15 March 2018 (UTC)

Anne's Peer Review
Hi Conrad!

This is a great topic for creating an article. Especially having just read the Audism article, this is really relevant! As a hearing person I had never known about Deaf Gain OR the DeafSpace Project before.

Here are some thoughts I had:

(1) Small grammatical things: In your second sentence, a little punctuation and word change will make your point more clear: "...communities contribute in various ways, such as (but not limited to) philosophy, language..." Additionally, it feels more natural to me to make the heading "Philosophy" rather than "Philosophical" since the latter is an adjective and thus is a bit awkward when it stands alone. Lastly, under the Philosophical heading, the sentence "As a cultural, linguistic minority, deaf communities, and its members hail deafness with a sense of pride" feels redundant since the concept is basically stated in the sentence above.

(2) I know you are still in the process of editing (I've barely got anything on my sandbox yet!), but I would love more specific information in all the sections! Right now it feels very general. For example: do you have resources on specific bilingualism studies involving ASL? What do they show? (I bet Professor Charles Chang in Linguistics might be able to point you toward some resources; he teaches the bilingualism class).

(3) It might help to have some visual examples in the DeafSpace section; perhaps a pair of pictures where one exhibits the idea that is being explained, and one does not, to show the contrast (360 degree space vs. rows of desks in a 'conventional' classroom, or good lighting vs. bad lighting).

I'm really excited to read the finished page! This is very interesting to me, and it seems like you've got a good start on it. Elizabeebe (talk) 13:44, 18 March 2018 (UTC)

Jill's Peer Review
Hi Conrad!

I know to start a new Wikipedia article is challenging, but I have to say that you did a really good job! And I believe you, as a native signer, are the most suitable person to create this article.

This article has a very clear structure, and I like the contents page you designed. As for sources, you listed all of them at the end, which is good; however, I think if you can make in-text citations at the end of each sentence you cited would be better, because it is more clear for readers to know which specific source is used to each specific piece of information. And I think the page lacks a paragraph to explain why Deaf Gain is related to Deaf Space.

And just remind you that I did some research about Deaf Space last semester for my deaf history and culture class final project (Deaf Community Center). Also, I saw you mentioned Martha's Vineyard, which is the topic I chose to work on for this class, in your article, so if you need any help with these two topics just let me know. Jill Gu (talk) 06:03, 19 March 2018 (UTC)