User talk:CrispyGoat/sandbox

This is looking great. Keep working at it until November 8. Your peers and I will give you some specific feedback then. Good job.Ingrid.bego (talk) 14:37, 4 November 2016 (UTC)

Peer Review
Your article has good direction, and the sections are well planned. However, there are some issues major and minor that impede it from being as good as it could be. For your segment on Indian Laws on Rape, the source you used is out of date by quite a few years, as many of these laws were changed or amended in 2013. According to http://indiacode.nic.in/acts-in-pdf/132013.pdf subsection 376B, husbands now require the full consent of their wives, or the act is classified as rape, and they will subject to two to 7 years in prison. In addition, the Indian Penal Code was changed by Parliament so that nonconsensual sexual acts between a man over the age of eighteen and a woman under the age of eighteen are classified as rape as well, even in the case that the individuals are husband and wife.

In your section Rape Statistics, you need to cite the first five sentences. Also in this section, you should include McDougal and Raj's finding that "Data from the National Crime Bureau suggest a growing incidence of rape reporting to police, particularly in the past year (2013).4, 5 Past year increases have been attributed to better support for victim disclosure, five but actual rape incidence might be increasing." as this provides a more balanced depiction of the situation in India and your previously cited rape report statistics only go up to the year 2012. If all of the statistics in this section are from Sexual violence and rape in India then you need to find more scholarly sources to back up these findings, as it is currently a one-sided portrayal.

In your section on Indian Society and Culture, you have a good start, but it could use some more content and documentation. This sentence "Women who survive this discrimination from birth face even more throughout their lives from violence to inadequate healthcare, bad diet, and more." is almost a direct copy from How India treats its women and needs to be revised by your group. The article you cited How India treats its women seems to indicate that there is an upsurge of violence and crime in India currently, if this is true, you need to show why this issue affects primarily women as otherwise the rise in rapes could be attributed to the general rise in all crimes. There is also a misplaced reference at the bottom "International Center for Research on Women. Media. UNFPA-ICRW Study Deconstructs the Mind of the 'Masculine' Indian Male. ICRW. ICRW, 11 Nov. 2014. Web. 25 Oct. 2016.".

Finally, your introduction needs to be fleshed out so that the reader gets a better understanding of the contents of the article. You could also add some citations, as the entire introduction is uncited.

AlexEdmonds (talk) 19:41, 15 November 2016 (UTC)

Completely agree with Alexander's review. I would also add that the introduction is a clear summary of the most important parts of the article. It isn’t meant to catch the reader’s attention, or explain why the topic is important. Instead, it’s a quick summary of the article in plain language. I would add citations too, if you are going to use evidence. Also, make sure to edit the whole article. There are still some mindless grammatical mistakes as well as some sentences that are lengthy. Ingrid.bego (talk) 03:49, 21 November 2016 (UTC)

→Thank you for the feedback. That helps a lot. We will continue working on this as we work towards publication. CrispyGoat (talk) 22:09, 30 November 2016 (UTC)

Alex, I looked up the subsection of 376B and it says "whoever has sexual intercourse with his own wife, who is living separately.." it doesn't mention any other situation between a husband and wife that would indicate a husband requires her full consent. the article How India Treats Its Women also does not indicate that there is a general rise in crimes, but that various crimes all committed against women (including kidnapping and torture) are rising Msclassen1 (talk) 22:48, 30 November 2016 (UTC)