User talk:Crtew/Jamal Ahmed Al-Sharaabi

=Feedback=

- work on the lead - the death was a tad bit hard to follow - make the whole articel flow nicely - Give the artIcle structure - Why is the journalist important? - Pay attention to voice - if you can, tell the reader more about the journalist - relate back to journalist in context - if you can, find reactions from family - what paper was he a photOjournalist for

Overall, there are some holes in the article but i think that's probably becuase you didn't have much info to work with in the first place. i hope these tips help and good luck! — Preceding unsigned comment added by 208.96.150.20 (talk) 16:30, 4 October 2011 (UTC)

Needs a LOT more work before it can be submitted. Many things on it are left undone, or un-formated. The sources are not even close to write in the paper. In addition to what was said above, i'm sure more research can be done to find this journalists impact. I don't mean to be harsh, but kind of looks like you took about a half hour and tried to throw it together last minute. Put some real time into it, and it will probably turn out a lot better. Inpayne (talk) 13:17, 7 October 2011 (UTC)

I agree with what your peers are saying above, especially about working on the lead, on why this journalist important? and on context. More information is needed. I see you are collecting links but you will need to turn these into references using the "REF" tags and then cite your sources and check your facts using  inline citations. Besides being part of the journalists who died during Arab Spring uprisings, he was the FIRST journalist to have died in Yemen's protests, he also is considered under the category of "Protest-related deaths." Crtew (talk) 15:27, 28 October 2011 (UTC)