User talk:Cs85/sandbox

Outline of Music Perception: - I like your introduction to the topic. It’s simple and you use clear language that is easy for most Wikipedia users to understand. - I would suggest changing your headings/subheadings around though so that this is a general introduction to the entire page – assuming your topic is the development of music perception in general

Stages of Development - In your first sentence, substitute “to” for “towards” - You could include a sentence or two detailing what is learned in infancy vs. in adulthood: i.e., “By such and such an age, these things are developed…”

The Biology of the Prenatal Auditory System - North American spelling for “foetal” = “fetal” - “The auditory cortex is the place in which specific musical features such as pitch, and timbre are extracted from and then this information is transferred into Auditory Sensory Memory” – maybe reword this sentence as it’s a little difficult to understand at first. Suggestion: “Musical fetures such as pitch and timbre are extracted from the auditory cortex, and this information is then transferred into Auditory Sensory Memory” - In your last sentence, substitute “however” for “although”

Prenatal Development of Pitch - First sentence: prenatal infants’ - Second sentence: mother’s voice or mothers’ voice – I’m not positive which - Third sentence: mother’s - In this section, I find the writing a bit more aimed at an educated/academic audience. I suggest adding some quick definitions or links to existing Wikipedia pages to make it more accessible to a general audience.

Prenatal Development of Tone and Tempo - I like the first sentence that provides a simple description of what you mean when you’re talking about the perception of tone - In your second sentence I’m not sure what you mean by “support for”. Maybe try “evidence of”? - You name the researchers Decasper and Spence and Shelter (needs capitalization), but I don’t think their names are needed if you are referencing the experiment anyways. It’s possible that including the names will confuse readers who have never heard these names, and wonder whether the names are important. If these two researchers are important to your topic, maybe include a sentence explaining that, otherwise I think you can just delete their names and say “An experiment found…”

Prenatal Development of Rhythm - In first sentence, specify that you mean less research has been done on rhythm than on tone or tempo (rather than just “less research”) - I have no idea what is meant by “Timpanists contribution” – maybe explain in a little more detail, remembering that your audience is not necessarily a well educated one

What is Transnatal Memory - I love that you included this section defining the concept before talking in more detail about it in the following sections - You include information on testing transnatal memory here, but then also include a section on how transnatal memory is tested – maybe combine the sections or move this information to the following one

How is Transnatal Memory Tested? - You could specify the technicalities of how researchers are able to measure the heart rate and frequency of kicking and movement in the womb – what instruments they use, etc. - “However, When the infants were tested…” – no capital on “When”, and this sentence is a bit confusing – might help to split it up into multiple sentences - I like your summary of DeCasper and Spence’s procedure. It outlines the method they used in a way that is easy to understand. You then explain that other researchers use similar methods and I think providing the DeCasper and Spence example helps the reader understand these methods.

Evidence for Transnatal Memory and the Development of Music Perception - “In the study, mother’s read a particular…” – change to “mothers” - “When tested after birth, infants shown preference…” change to “showed a preference”

The Mozart Effect - I really like that you included a section on this in general, and I think you provided the right amount of detail on it - “Support for the results were also found in a follow up study also carried out by Rauscher and Shaw using a larger sample and found similar results” – change: “A follow up study by Rauscher and Shaw using a larger sample found similar results” - “The researchers found that children who had piano lessons showed improvement in spatial reasoning supporting the idea that early exposure to music from a very early age can improve cognitive development” – change: “supporting the idea that exposure to music during this time can improve cognitive development” - You provide a number of examples of studies providing evidence for the Mozart effect, but don’t give any details on actual studies that provide evidence against it. It would help to balance the article if you did include one or two concrete examples of the studies that do not get the same results as Rauscher and Shaw.

Some General Tips - I enjoyed reading your article, and I think you did a good job organizing it - I liked that you included a lot of results from research in the area. I think at times you could include a sentence or two explaining what this research means when taken all together - Maybe add some commas or split some of your sentences into two separate sentences to make what you’re trying to say come off more clearly - I think you could do with some more links to existing Wikipedia pages - Based on the amount of information in your article regarding Decasper and Spence, I think it would be useful if you included a section, or even just a sentence or two, explaining that they are influential researchers in the area.

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Stages of Development – “...perceptual grouping,defined as the ability to group sounds...” → missing space in between grouping and defined. In childhood singing behaviour → a comma should be added

The Biology of the Prenatal Auditory system – missing capital for “system” in the title. Also in agreement with my colleague who made suggestions for your page, the north American spelling for foetal/foetus would be “fetal”/”fetus”

Prenatal Development of Rhythm + What is Transnatal Memory – I agree with my colleague on these suggestions as well (ie., combining sections/moving this section to a following one)

The Mozart Effect – I love this section. I find all the information you included to be quite interesting and sufficient in summing up the Effect with adequate information without leaving out anything significant in explaining it.

Tables/Pictures – maybe include a picture for the Mozart effect or something of the like? I’m aware it is a bit hard to find relevant tables or pictures for your topic but I think including an image of maybe a page of one of Mozart’s pieces or a table summarizing the findings of Prenatal Perception of Pitch, Tone, Tempo and Rhythm would make your page more visually pleasing. While an abundance of information is good for the everyday academic, I feel that an interested user or just a browsing student would enjoy more than just text. I recommend Mozart's Ein kline Nacht Music or the Sonata in D major that you already mentioned.

Overall – I noticed that you inserted your citations/references at the end a word/sentence but before the period; I believe most pages have the period before the citations/references. As well, I noticed you put periods at the end of some of your subheadings. Not sure if that was just a typing habit but I took the liberty of deleting the extra periods and changing some of the citation placements for you as well as fixing some capitalization errors, so I won't be mentioning many of them redundantly. There were a few very minor things such as extra spacing between paragraphs and missing spaces between some sentences that I think you should look over just to double check. As well, there are a few wrongly used capital letters for nouns. Lastly, considering revising some sentences that require shortening, dividing into two or just adding commas to make for a better read. I noticed you have many long sentences that can be adjusted, especially for the paragraphs detailing aspects, stages, etc. Aesthetics-wise I think that these suggestions would better/finish your overall page, although I do think you did a fantastic job already. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Ekwong9 (talk • contribs) 18:42, 3 April 2013 (UTC)