User talk:DLEE83/Bilingual education by country or region

Hey Dana, I have left my peer review here. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:DLEE83/Bilingual_education_by_country_or_region/Bcaillouet25_Peer_Review#General_info Bcaillouet25 (talk) 14:34, 18 May 2022 (UTC)

=Second draft review for User:DLEE83= Thanks for your work on your draft, Dana! I offer the suggestions below in a collaborative spirit, intended to help you refine your work before moving it to the mainspace. I'm happy to talk with you about any aspect of my comments or about your article in general.

First paragraph

 * I know I asked you to create some introductory sentences for context, but I fear here you've overcorrected. These first three sentences are too general, I think. I think you can start with a statement about monolingualism in Japan.
 * "For the past few decades..." - First, is this only the case for the past few decades? Second, I'm sure this isn't true of all Japanese people. I suspect that what you're trying to communicate here is that Japan is a mostly monolingual country and that historically it does not have a well-developed tradition of bilingualism. I'd suggest rephrasing these sentences.
 * One way of demonstrating that there is widespread monolingualism in Japan would be to source some statistics about how many Japanese people speak only Japanese at home, how many grow up with more than one language, etc.
 * "The Japanese population is predominantly ..." - I don't really follow this sentence. Who else would be responsible for the development of Japan?
 * "The bilingualism and language ability ..."- This sentence seems to be about something else than what this paragraph is focused on. Namely, it seems to be about how the mentioned factors may produce different outcomes, whereas this paragraph was, I thought, about how bilingual education in Japan exists in a context of multilingualism.
 * It looks like [2] and [3] are the same reference. They should be cited the same each time, using the insert citation function. There's a training on WikiEdu about how to do this.
 * "In Japan, the importance..." - Brought to light by whom? Which scholars argue that about math? Also, what is the relevance of this statement? That is, is the purpose of including this sentence to illustrate that interest in bilingual education is growing? If so, I'd suggest saying that more directly and citing where you learned that.

Second paragraph

 * [4] - Citations come after their claim, not at the start of the paragraph.
 * "Most Japanese..." - First, this claim needs a citation. Second, I'd rework it to say that most Japanese people who speak another language acquire it through classroom study, because otherwise it seems to imply that most Japanese people speak a second language, which I'm not sure is true.
 * "The work of..." - I'm sorry, but I don't understand this sentence at all. I also don't know why it's here. I'd say it needs to be reworked from scratch. I'd focus on trying to say as simply as possible what you're trying to describe. Don't overcomplicate it.
 * Who is Dorothy Ligarreta-Macaida? Why is the so particularly important to Japan specifically? Lots of people have written about first language maintenance and second language acquisition - why does this person matter in this particular context? Are there other scholars of language acquisition whose work has had an important influence on Japan, or is Ligarreta-Macaida a particularly important figure above all the others? What has her inpact been? Finally, I would not use the word "greatly", which sounds like editorializing - just describe her contributions.
 * "forms a large proportion of Japanese pride as it retains its heritage through its language" - Again, I'm sorry, but I just don't understand what you're trying to say here. This sentence needs to be completely reworked.
 * Overall, think about what this paragraph is trying to do. Is its purpose to say that most people in Japan who speak a second language have learned it through classroom study, rather than being raised bilingually? If so, focus only on that, and put other information in a separate paragraph. Also, provide some evidence to support that claim.

Third paragraph

 * First sentence - I'm not sure I understand what "difficulties of Bilingualism in Japanese heritage" means. (Also, no caps for "Bilingualism"). I'd suggest rephrasing. I'd also not use the word "essential" but rather describe what difficulties others have identified and what is being done about them.
 * "The residents..." - Again, this sentence is pretty hard to understand, and I'm also not sure why it's relevant regarding bilingualism in the education sector.
 * What is "the stereotyped aspect of multilingualism"?
 * Why is "keeping its identity as a group" important and what does it involve?
 * "to meet the growing demand for Bilingualism" - Have we established that there is such a growing demand? Let's make sure that's clear first. Then you can talk in this paragraph about what measures are being taken to meet the demand, which is, i think, what this paragraph is intended to be about.
 * Last three sentences - All these benefits may well exist (although I would not state some of them this way), but they are almost certainly not unique to Japan, nor are they really central to understanding the development of bilingual education in Japan. I'd leave them out entirely and instead just find a page that you can link to about cognitive benefits, if you think that still needs to be included. It would make sense to include it if one of your sources documents that interest in the cognitive benefits of bilingualism is driving increased interest in bilingual education. In that case, you could include that claim (which is about Japanese bilingual education) and then just link to an article about bilingual cognitive advantages.

A couple additional comments

 * One thing that's missing here is a clear description of the kinds of bilingual education that exists in Japan. Do they have bilingual immersion programs in which students are taught all subjects in two languages throughout their schooling? Or are programs limited to foreign-language programs, in which, say, English is taught for a couple hours a day, separated out from other subjects?
 * I think this section could benefit from more statistics. How many students in the Japanese educational system don't speak Japanese as a first language? How many of them are enrolled in bilingual programs, and how many in Japanese-only programs? How many Japanese monolingual kids are learning other languages in schools?
 * You really just need to describe the basics here. Imagine someone coming to this article wanting to compare how bilingual education programs/situations look different in different parts of the world. How can you help them understand the essential facts about what kinds of bilingual education are available in Japan and what makes bilingual education in Japan different from elsewhere? I think that should be your goal.

I hope these comments are helpful! Bradhoot (talk) 20:51, 24 May 2022 (UTC)